tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1917027868387985802024-03-13T16:18:28.689-06:00damn walkerDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-48802858553715401832015-02-01T13:06:00.003-07:002015-04-24T03:57:57.111-06:00divorce<strike>Some of you might scoff at the title. I can understand why you would do that and think the opinions on it I know you have. I'm not married so it's not a divorce, it's a break-up. But it is more similar to a divorce than it is a break-up. Once we made the decision to separate it became obvious it is a divorce. We've been together for five years. We have combined debt, combined bank accounts, combined monthly bills, etc.....but most importantly, we have combined custody.</strike><br />
<strike> Now I know what you are thinking, "Oh...now it is starting to make more sense" and you are right. It's only starting to make sense. Unless you have gone through a divorce or something similar to me you don't know that everything I have explained is just the tip of the iceberg. Even though each one of those items are huge fucking things, and then to have those be combined for five years, it's a big deal.</strike><br />
<strike> Let me get into the biggest deal of all. It's been even more of an emotional rollercoaster for me personally because I am responsible for my son. He is going to be affected by this more than Kristine or I. She may disagree with this statement and that is totally fine, but we have failed as parents for this. We are going to make Noah's life just a little more unstable than it could have been. I put the blame on both of us. We are not complete failures though. You can be a failure at something, but not a failure all together. Noah still has two parents who love him to death. We will do our individual best to be the best parents we can be. We have already started. We came to this agreement to be civil with each other. To be open and honest with each other. To make it the very best situation as possible for the respect towards our family to Noah. To Noah, his family is myself and Kristine. That will never change. Ever. We both realize that and are going to respect that.</strike><br />
<strike> Do not get me wrong. I have no ill will towards Kristine. I love her to death and I will always love her. She is my best friend. Seriously. I will go to her before my parents, a friend, or anyone. Even though she may not understand the way I am to the extent that I wished she did, she still knows me better than any other person in this world. The amount of hours we have spent with each other over the past five years has been amazing. I would not trade my past relationship, and the future here on out, with her for anything else in the world. I always tell her that she gave me the greatest gift in the world which was Noah, but our relationship with her is right up there with him. Our relationship has strengthened me and grown my respect for her more than I ever thought was imaginable.</strike><br />
<strike> There will be people who know both of us and think "I told you so" about us getting together in the first place. You know who you are, and that's fine. Think that. You can feel that way all you would like. The fact of the matter is that it doesn't change anything at all. All it does is give you a small sense of satisfaction and pride to hold over my head. Which in turn just turns you into a giant fucking prick. People may agree with you, but you are still a dick to even bring it up. We did get together when we probably shouldn't have. We know that, but life changed for her and I at that time and I would make the same decisions if I had the choice to repeat it. We tried to prove everyone wrong, but we both failed at different times to maintain the strength that we had for so long.</strike><br />
<strike> Life is unpredictable, and we all know you cannot predict the future. Nothing will ever turn out the way you expect it to. The result may sometimes be how you expected, but the path to that result will never go exactly how you predict it to. I do not know what is in the future for me, for Kristine, for Noah. There is no way for me to know. There is no way for anyone to know. I will spend every day of my life making sure that I do my best though. I have always tried to do that, but at times life has gotten loud and blocked out my head and heart.</strike><br />
<strike> Lastly, the reason I feel like I should write this is just to explain my feelings and explain that I do not want to hear any negativity. Like I mentioned before, I have no ill will towards Kristine. I love her and will have her back more than anyone, every time. We still have a relationship that we will work on every day. We are still a fucking family. If anyone tries to fuck that up she and I will not stand for it. If you have any desire to fuck up our relationship it will be for no reason but your own personal gain and you are a fucker for even thinking about it. I will call you out. It will always be my family over everything.</strike><br />
<strike> Family over EVERYTHING. I love everyone who has our back. Thank you for everything.</strike><br />
<strike><br /></strike>
<strike>Dan</strike><br /><br /><b><span style="font-size: large;">WELL THAT WAS ALL BULLSHIT! AT LEAST I KEPT UP MY END! :)</span></b>Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-77417954944364086322015-04-24T03:54:00.001-06:002015-04-24T03:54:21.944-06:00Oh, Starlight<i>You're so careless, careless</i><br />
<b>How did you get so ungrateful?</b><br />
<i>You treat me like I'm a disease,</i><br />
Oh, <strike>and it's been killing me</strike><br />
Chances are, you never even cared at all<br />
I'm <i>sure</i> that you had your reasons<br />
But <b>I'll never get to hear the truth</b><br />
Disguised in all your alibis<br />
It's a tradition, practiced,<br />
every time you say goodbye<br />
<br />
I've tried so hard<br />
to be what you needed<br />
Your imaginary enemy<br />
I've tried for so long<br />
to make you believe it<br />
That <b>I am not the enemy</b><br />
<br />
Slipshod cavalier,<br />
<i>I can't stand to see those things that </i><br />
<i>You have taken for granted</i><br />
<b>Thrown away everything you've been handed</b><br />
Too much all at once that's how you got so ungrateful<br />
<b>All you saw was the burden </b><br />
<b>Standing beside all your blessed truths</b><br />
Disguised in all your alibis<br />
It's a tradition, practiced,<br />
every time you say goodbye<br />
<br />
I've tried so hard<br />
to be what you needed<br />
Your imaginary enemy<br />
I've tried for so long<br />
to make you believe it<br />
That <b>I am not the enemy</b><br />
Imaginary enemy<br />
<br />
Oh, oh, oh, oh<br />
Alright, yeah<br />
<br />
<i>I've tried so hard </i><br />
<i>to be what you needed</i><br />
Your imaginary enemy<br />
<i>I've tried for so long </i><br />
<i>to make you believe it</i><br />
<br />
That...I.....am.....not.....the.....enemy<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>Imaginary enemy....</i></b>Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-33834075011633127012014-01-05T14:21:00.000-07:002014-01-06T14:26:51.248-07:00I'm what you made God, fuck yes I'm so odd....I had a conversation last night with my mom about something that was said to her at my cousins wedding. I didn't attend the wedding, so it had nothing to do with me being there. It did however raise a topic that I have been meaning to write about for a while now. Something that I feel I need to explain.<br />
<br />
Just what I am.<br />
<br />
Let me start off by telling you a story. In 3rd grade, at the end of the year we had a vote. There were different things that we all had to vote on. Who was the best athlete, the smartest person, etc. and we all had to vote for another person in the class. I remember that one of the categories was "The funniest person". I had it in the bag. I knew I was going to win it.<br />
<br />
I didn't.<br />
<br />
I won the "happiest person who always has a smile".<br />
<br />
I was pissed about it. I didn't want to be known as the happiest. I wanted to be the funniest. I couldn't believe that people didn't find me funny. I thought that being the happiest was a horrible thing to be. What was funny to me was that I wasn't happy. A lot of my childhood I battled depression. Even at a young age. I don't know why. I look back on it now and don't even know a lot of the reasons why I was unhappy. I was a happy child though. I had a good life. But I struggled with one thing. Friendship. I was never happy with my friends. I took it really personal when friends fought with me or did things to me. We were just kids, but I took it so personal. I never had a vengeance towards anyone. I never wanted to fight with friends, I never wanted to do things to other people that could make them upset or sad. It was a thought process that just didn't exist. I wanted to have fun with my friends. I wanted to play. I wanted to have adventures. I wanted to dream. I didn't get angry or mad when friends betrayed me. I got sad. I got hurt.<br />
<br />
After the end of my 5th grade school year, one of the most devastating things in my childhood occurred. I moved to a new town. I had a really hard time with it. I didn't want to make new friends. I didn't want to be in a new situation. I was scared out of my mind. I had never had to go out and MAKE friends before. My sisters and I had grown up in the same neighborhood as long as my memory allowed and played with the same kids, knew the families, etc. Moving to a new city really frightened me. Then I got braces. It wasn't turning out to be a good 6th grade year. But then I found out I wasn't the only new kid in my class. There were a couple. Some fear was relieved. But I still struggled with creating friendships. This was also when I obtained my first bully. But I won't go into that because I will save it for a later blog. It remained this way for a while. After a year in 6th grade at an elementary school, I was to repeat the process by moving on up to Jr. High.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to the end of my junior year. My parents were struggling financially and we lost our house. My dad had lost his job. My mother had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a year earlier. We hit it rough. I was comfortable with my life at that time, I still struggled with friendships and such, but I had it under enough control for me to be ok with it. That's when my past came back and hit me. My parents informed me that we would be moving to another town. A small town. Before we had just moved to the next town over. It was a 10 minute drive to my old neighborhood. Now we were moving an hour away up in the canyon. I was going to be far away from everything I found familiar. I didn't react well to the news. I took it and held it in for a while, until I bursted into rage and emotion and tried to fight my dad. I physically tried to get into an altercation with him while bursting into tears and yelling. He would just block my arms and try to grab me and hold me tight. Looking back on it now, I feel terrible about it. I probably said awful things and was being very selfish about the matter. I didn't see things from his point of view because I was a child. He lost his job. Lost his house that he spent over a decade saving up for. His wife, and my mother, had a terrible disease that was unknown and new to all of us. The years she spent going to college and finally had a great career she had to quit because of the disease. They lost so much. I was just losing my comfort zone and being exposed to a new situation that I didn't like. I don't blame myself too much, because I was just a kid. I was 16. So let's fast forward again.<br />
<br />
I didn't graduate high school. I worked really hard trying to make up for the bad, well not bad grades....non-existent grades. I wasn't able to make up enough credits to graduate. So I failed. I had started being close friends with a band that I had met before I moved. They became best friends. We moved back to my original hometown and now as an 18 year old, I wasn't bothered with school. I did what I wanted. I found a job, and then quit that job to go on tour through the midwest states with the band that I had become friends with. We were kids still. The youngest in the band and I became super close. He was still in high school at that time. I was older than him. But we still had the maturity of kids. Just teenagers. Even though we were close friends, there were some flaws in the relationships. I was their tech guy. I was their bitch. I helped them out. They were the stars. They were on the stage. I was behind the scenes. Because I was there for them, I was also the butt of their jokes a lot of the time. I didn't take it too personal, but it did have a lot of effects on my self esteem and my own confidence. I had a falling out with them and was "friendless". One of the reasons why I struggled with this was during those teenage, young adult years was because of the females. It was hard to find a girl who was interested in me. The social situations that I was in, involved girls being interested in the band friends. Another hit to my confidence. After this falling out with those friends, I hung around a female friend who helped me gain confidence. She was an only child and had a different view on a lot of things. She helped me see things from a different perspective. I gained a lot of self confidence and self identity. I started viewing myself and my role in the world very differently. This friend of mine is very important to me, and it can be confusing to people about our relationship considering they are of the opposite sex. But it never was a romantic relationship. Never has either of us ever wanted it to be that. We were close like brother and sister. She was the first person to really treat me how I expected to be treated as a friend. She had a lot of respect for me and I for her. This is not to put any of my past or current friends down. I am not saying that. So please don't get offended.<br />
<br />
I started living life differently. I began looking at things different and going after things I didn't use to think would be obtainable. Whether that be friendships, jobs, ideas, girls, etc. I was unstoppable. I had a lot of self confidence. I saw that I was a happier person because of that. I was super confident with girls. But I was real. I wasn't cocky and just went after them and disrespected them. I was down to earth, genuine, and formed relationships with girls. Even if I had sex with a girl without the intent to date that girl, I still was friendly, genuine, and didn't make them feel used. It was something that happened between us. We became close, became physical, and that was the end of it. There were a lot of girls that I became interested in, got physical with them once or twice, but realized we were better as friends and still have that possibility to be.<br />
<br />
So I became confident in me. But I learned a lot of things from my past. I was used to being the butt of the joke, but not comfortable with being the butt of someone else's joke. So I started to make the joke on myself before anyone else could. I began to laugh at myself. I sort of always did this, but in the past I did it to hide my depression. So I was a happy kid on the outside, because I was always trying to get others to laugh about something I said about me. But it wasn't until I was older that I was able to behave and notice it at a different level.<br />
<br />
I will always put myself down before putting anyone else down. I will make a joke about myself first. Always. I took away a lot of filters that I use to cling to. I live by shock value. My dad hates it. But in my head, I take uncomfortable or new situations to get people past that. So many times people have told me that when introducing new people to me, that they had to "warn" them about me. Not in a bad way. I'm just not what people expect and when meeting people for the first time, or when a group of friends and I go to a new setting or situation, I am the one of tries to ease that tension. I will take all the tension upon myself. Sometimes I do that in shocking ways. I don't use the best language. I travel into subjects that people avoid. I have no filter.<br />
<br />
That doesn't mean I do not have respect.<br />
<br />
If you know me, you know what I meant in that last paragraph. I will never say or do anything with the intention of hurting someones feelings or offending someone. Though my words or actions may be shocking and out there, if I were to offend or hurt someone I would do everything within my power to fix that. I do things to make other people comfortable or to laugh. Do I think I am funny? Of course. I am the funniest person I know. Do I expect others to find me funny? Not in the slightest. My goal is not to be the funny one. My goal is to have people around me be happy. To enjoy themselves. I try to remove negativity from situations. A lot of people get offended by this behavior. It saddens me. The reason why it saddens me is because I do not think they are truly accepting of allowing people to be themselves. We have expectations of people. And some people have such high expectations of people to where they do not allow that someone to be themselves, because that person may not be living up to the expectations. It's human nature. We all do it. The key is too let those go. Let me give you an example.<br />
<br />
I had a friend who was engaged to a girl. He loves his Playstation. He loves playing games and getting into them until he conquers them. I know the guy and know that he is a responsible adult. He doesn't put off things in his life like school or work because he is addicted to a game. It's just a hobby for him to unwind and the enjoy. When he was engaged to this girl she told him once they were married that she would not allow any gaming console in their house. She had these expectations of him that were attacking parts of him. Was he telling her that she had to give up scrapbooking or something? No. But she had expectations of someone without allowing that person to be. Granted, if he was playing for hours on end, every day, missing work or school, etc. then she definitely had reason to demand such a thing. But you have to accept people for who they are. Even if you don't agree with things about them.<br />
<br />
I may not live up to your expectations of who you think I should be. I may use language that you would never use. I may do things that you would never do. I understand that. But I still accept you for you. So let me get to the point of this. The comment that was made at my cousins wedding by another cousin was, "Some of his posts on Facebook are....extreme", and he was correct in saying that. If that cousin said an eighth of the things that I say, I would be shocked. I don't expect him to say those things. I came from a LDS family. But I don't live to those values any more. That doesn't make me a bad person. But I made a decision to start living my life and stop trying to censor myself to please people. If you are a friend of mine, you know who I am. You know a lot of my views, opinions, etc. I wanted my profile on a social network to be me. It's a profile of me. I am going to say things that I want to say. I am going to post things that I believe, love, hate, think is funny, etc. I am going to voice my opinion. I don't expect you to agree and I apologize if you see things that you may not want to see (like language, but you are going to see that in the world regardless.)<br />
<br />
I have a lot of religious friends on my friends list. I can easily get offended or think religious related posts are so stupid. I read their posts. I understand my friends have different beliefs than me. They have different lives. I respect and love them for that. I don't delete friends because someone is posting a lot of stuff about god or religion and that's stuff I don't want to see. I know who you are. I just want you to know who I am. I love you. You are my friends and family. I am always changing, trying to grow, and attempting to be a better me. But I won't apologize for anything unless I need to. I'll own up to my mistakes. I have a lot of pride, but I am not afraid to push it to the side to help a friend that I may have offended. I won't intentionally go out and attack you or do things that I know will piss you off. For example, a childhood best friend of mine has EXTREMELY different views than my own on just about everything. It's highly uneducated, but I still accept him for his beliefs. I'll debate with him all day, every day about stuff but I do so with RESPECT. I posted something about something I believed in and he commented on the post telling the people I was sticking up for to go kill themselves and was incredibly offensive. I deleted him from my friends list and sent him many text messages him telling him to, well, lets just say he was told to "fuck off". The things he said held no substance or value. He was disrespectful and degrading. Not just to the people in the topic, but to me. He came on my account and instead of sharing his beliefs, disrespected me. He knows I have plenty of friends that would see his post and get offended. He didn't care. That was wrong.<br />
<br />
See the difference?<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm sorry if you get offended by the things I say. It's not my intentions. You can unfriend me, not follow me, etc. I'm sad to see you go. But I can't cater to people wanting me to behave a certain way to please their expectations. I don't think that is right. I love my friends. I love making friends. Thanks for reading.<br />
<br />
<br />Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-4988546789102720722014-01-01T15:55:00.002-07:002014-01-01T15:57:14.232-07:00I want something else to get me through this life....I woke up today feeling like shit. Yea, it's New Years Day. No I did not party too hard. No I did not really party at all. This was one of the first New Years in the past few years that I did not take any thing. Didn't drink. Didn't smoke. Nothing. Just enjoyed the company of family and fed my fat ass. At the end of the night, before getting into bed, I started to notice a scratchy throat. So I took some essential oils hoping it wasn't too late to knock it out. And then I slept. AND I SLEPT FUCKING WONDERFULLY! I haven't slept that good in a long time. It was cut short, but I was shocked at the level of comfort and deepness I was able to achieve. Quite awesome. So I got up and started off with the day and the sickness crept in. The throat was sore, the nose was stuffed, and the body just doesn't feel like it should. Took some Sudafed and now I'm feeling odd. Not better, not worse, but odd. It's a type of sickness I have never really felt before. I am sure it is just a common cold. But today, overall it just feels weird. Almost like being high, or on a intense pain killer. At some points, almost like I am going to pass out but without feeling lightheaded. Not sure how to explain that better, as it is a new feeling to me. So I drove to work, and here I sit. Not sure I really want to be here. I just don't feel top notch. But I have sort of been feeling that way about a lot of areas of my life. I just don't feel top notch. When I think of being the best that I can be, or the best that I have been in the past, I am the furthest from that right now. I can't grip reality. I daydream often. I lack the motivation to do the most simple of tasks. The ADD that I was diagnosed with is definitely apparent now more than ever. I didn't used to get bothered when people said things like "they are having bad ADD" today or something. Like it's something similar to the lack of sleep or something. It's something that goes away or can become more intense on some days than others. Having gone through my entire life not doing well at certain things, important things, and being self destructive in my behavior only to have it diagnosed as ADD and making sense, it bothers me that people think that they have ADD when they clearly do not. It's hard to get people to understand how sometimes my ADD just refuses to allow me to function. Before I was diagnosed or medicated for it, it's just how I was. I was accustom to feeling and behaving how I did. I knew nothing different. After being prescribed medication for the ADD, it opened my eyes. I became GREAT at being me. I excelled at my job. I ENJOYED my job. I was able to be a better parent, spouse, etc. I did things that I wanted, because I was able to manage my time well enough to get through the things that needed to get done and get started on the things that gave me joy. My hobbies. My interests. Then I hit a financial roadblock. I lost my insurance. I could no longer afford getting my medication. It has become a incredibly giant mess that is my life since. No matter how much someone gets on to me about needing me to do something, no matter how much I try to give myself a pep-talk in my head to motivate me, it doesn't happen. The old me sucks. But it is worse now. Having seen the other side of living, it sucks being back to the slow, old me. It's sad that I have to rely on a medication to function, but those are the cards I was dealt. So hopefully I can change that in the upcoming weeks.<br />
<br />
Going on about feeling not myself. I wonder sometimes about purpose in life. It's not a depressing perspective. I am just curious, for each different person, for each different life, what do they need to accomplish to be happy with the life that they have created. Sure we will have failures along the way. But what is each person's masterpiece? What is my masterpiece? What is going to be my thing that discover inside myself that defines me? I think that this is a quarter life crisis for many people. Especially in this generation. They need to find purpose and success in whatever it is they are doing. I know I do. Here's something that I wonder about constantly. Do people have multiple dreams? Do you reading this have lots of different dreams about life? Like when you hear that someone "pursued their dream", was that the only dream that they have? I have a lot of dreams about things. They all seem to be intertwined. If I can find success in one dream than that means I can find and pursue the others. This post was not meant to be a reflective post with it being New Years day and all, but it's turning into it. I look around at the people I know and I can find the thing that defines them. Whether that be their occupation, their hobby, etc. I'm not sure what people see when they look at me. What defines me? Do people look at me and think instantly of my kid? He's just a parent? Let me give you an example. I can look at my friend Bruce, and what comes to mind when I think of Bruce is the military. He has always been into the military since I met him. I can look at my friends in The Young Electric...and their BAND is what defines them. That is their passion. Their talent. That's what people see when they look at them individually. So I am not sure what defines me. I don't care really what people see. I don't care much about how others see me. The reason I ask the question is more for myself than anything else. Just because I am having a hard time defining myself. I don't think I have spoken up enough for myself this past year though. I've been really passive about the things in my life. I don't take control of a lot of situations. I don't decide on things with confidence. I think I need to start following my ideas, my passions, etc. I want to start taking risks again. I think I want to start making those confident decisions and take those with me who want to come along for the ride. I have always had a vision of my future, but never has it turned out how I expected. The reason being what I just described. Just going with the flow and letting things happen. Not making things happen. Guess I better get on it.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-20676498917246023022013-12-29T11:46:00.002-07:002013-12-29T11:46:50.099-07:00I can sense your hell...Sometimes it is hard to get a blog started. I feel like I have a lot that I want to write about but have a hard time trying to find what to actually start typing. There's an abundance of topics that I can hit, but the first line is always a pain in the ass. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Like a VERY long time. So I guess I am just rusty. My world has significantly changed from the posts before. It's interesting to read back on them and see what I was doing in my life at those times. Those thoughts and emotions that I was having. It's funny growing older, and seeing how that those moments were real. You take something in from those moments or experiences and they're important to you. And even if someone else was experiencing that thing with you, it may have meant more or not as much as it did to you. The life that you are living is seen only by you. Your reality can be different than anothers. We are all so unique. It's crazy to think about. So I have started my podcast, and will be starting a new podcast shortly. I am really excited about the new podcast. The format is pretty simple and I have seen it be successful for others. I hope my take on it turns out to be as well. The show is called The Overlooked and is where I interview your random, every day citizen. So many podcasts feature celebrities, actors, comedians, people in the entertainment industry, etc. and they have amazing stories. They are super interesting. You take this person that every knows of but maybe doesn't REALLY know. These podcasts give you an insight into their lives and makes them more human. But it's always interesting when you meet a stranger, who is just like you and I, and they tell you stories from their life and their experiences. And you never know what that story could mean to someone else. Something they could say about the every day shit that we all go through and maybe feel like it only happens to you. This person could have had the same experience and then shared their take on it. But it would also be enjoyable to hear about the stories from this persons life. Now I fear that people won't want to listen to someone that they have never heard of and won't ever hear of again. They aren't in the public spot light like a celebrity might be. But one thing that I have found, is that it really doesn't matter if you know the person or not. I am an avid listener of the WTFpod with Marc Maron. He comes out with a new podcast every other day. And interviews the big stars, but also a lot of people that are behind the scenes. People I have never heard of or even seen their work. And Maron can make people interesting. I was talking to my father about how a lot of what makes an interesting interview is how good the interviewer is. How they are able to take something that someone says, and find the keyword to expand on. It'a very natural sounding coming from Maron. You see it a lot with Bill Allred who hosts the Let's Go Eat Show podcast. It's interesting to see these two men, who are extremely good interviewers. They take these people that I have had no interest in learning about, and finding my favorite episodes to be about people I would not know if they had not interviewed them. It's quite inspiring too. But anywho, I will post more once I actually start posting podcasts for that. You can always check out my current podcast The Andy Wolff & Ghost show. Its on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Libsyn. You can find more about that at andyandghost.com or on Twitter @andyandghost.<br />
<br />
Bye fuckers.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-2926830512489628202013-12-23T21:30:00.000-07:002013-12-23T21:30:25.377-07:00the child insideIf you are to know anything as an adult, it's that puberty is awful to all of us. That awkward, self conscious child is still inside everyone.<br />
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- dwDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-26763058242379490782013-12-23T21:23:00.001-07:002013-12-23T21:23:24.006-07:00As simple as it gets...You know when sometimes you have those moments where you think you have life figured out. You know everything that you need to be happy, and make a plan for the future to make sure you retain the perfect life you have now figured out. I don't have those moments anymore. I don't have those feelings of accomplishment, of figuring life out, of feeling confident about a situation. I am living more now than ever before in a hazy, unsure future. It's scary. I don't feel confident in anything. I don't feel confident in myself. I also get scared of my heart. I fear it's power. I constantly try to hide and avoid it.<br />
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I definitely don't have myself figured out. I have a lot of really basic things of my daily routine and emotions figured out. I know my thought processes. I know a lot of things that may seem overly sure of things, but as a whole, I don't have myself figured out. Even though knowing those things about myself come off as loud and prominent, they are only a small portion of me. They just are the most visible.<br />
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I have been having a lot of stuff in my head lately. A lot of thoughts. A lot of desires. A lot of ideas. A lot of opinions. A lot of emotions.<br />
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It's getting crowded.<br />
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I will tell you more later. I am back for good.<br />
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(...not simple, as you can tell.)Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-88939698524387555022013-12-23T21:04:00.000-07:002013-12-23T21:04:04.634-07:00It's what keeps me going....It's beautiful what we have. And I couldn't agree more. I don't see the day where things between you and I go wrong. There just isn't anything that could be found in a regular relationship with us. We are kind of unique in that sense. The last few nights with you have been amazing. From going to dinner, to taking naps in your bed, going to get coffee everyday, and to just hanging out and about. Your presence is something magical. At times you will wrap your arms around me and it just feels safe.<br />
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Dec. 27, 2009Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-16289319968572022802012-03-18T04:02:00.000-06:002012-03-18T04:02:58.895-06:00So it turns out....You can make butters out of new nuts. I made a whole bunch tonight.I made pistachio, macadamia, and walnut. Still gotta perfect the recipes a little, but they turned out much better than expected.<br />
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That's actually all I am going to talk about tonight.<br />
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I had to keep this post short, its already 4:00am.<br />
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GoodnightDanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-25917968006983106912012-03-14T02:06:00.000-06:002012-03-14T02:06:00.835-06:00Do you think you can make butter out of nuts? Like....new nuts?So I am starting to feel more crafty and get interested in things I thought I would never do. But I am currently thinking of many new ventures that I would love to take. I thought about starting a Boiled Peanuts Stand. Back in Mississippi, they had stands that are similar to what we have here in Utah that sale Beef Jerky and such, but they sell boiled peanuts.<br />
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Boiled peanuts do not sound very good. Whenever I tell people about them they give me the disgusted look. I don't blame you. But if you only knew how they tasted. Salty, cold, and wet. So amazing. But yea, they had those stands where they sold them. And I am sure they made decent money. But man it would be awesome to sale those at the Farmers Market. I also thought about selling things like butters. Peanut, Cashew, etc. Making all sorts of crazy nut butters. I have only seen Almond and Peanut. I think it would be rad to make walnut, cashew, pistachio, etc. Such rad flavors of butters.<br />
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I should stop saying butters. Anywho, I would really love to be blogging again about much more than butters, but this is what I can give to you at 2:00am in the morning.<br />
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Well, I will blog more. I got a lot of shit to let off.<br />
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Adios fuckers! I love you all!Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-87467671675915402482011-07-21T18:44:00.000-06:002011-07-21T18:44:58.307-06:00It's about what to do with the time that has been given to you!So not much blogging. Yea, I hate it. I honestly do. But it really is true what they say. Once you have a kid your entire life is suddenly devoted to them. If I am not at work, I am either cooking dinner, cleaning, while Kristine holds/feeds him or vice versa. Quite the interesting turn of events. But alas, it is amazing. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love the kid to death. It's almost overwhelming when I actually think about it.<br />
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What I find crazy is how suddenly I have every single fear of a new parent. I fear the craziest, most random, and sometimes down right absurd things. I notice things that I never noticed in the world. I had a friend who said once "If you want to see the world differently, do shrooms. It will never be the same after that." I never took his advice, but if you don't want to do drugs, have a kid. It ALSO changes your view on things and suddenly you see things different;y than before. I used to think that if I had a kid, how could I handle the crying? I have 11 nieces and nephews. And whenever they cry or get loud I literally cannot stand it and have to go to a different room. With all children it is like that. If a kid is crying at a restaurant or being rowdy in a public area, I want to smack them and say "Shut the hell up!" or tell their parents to get the hell out of here. It's a patience thing. Then, I have a kid. And suddenly, I have patience. I can listen to him cry about being hungry or just down right fussy and it doesn't effect me the way that it once did. It's quite.....indescribable in so many aspects how different you become after having a child. In so many good ways though. None of them are bad. At least I don't think.<br />
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One of the most amazing things about giving birth to a child is the flood of emotions. And calling it a flood is even an understatement. The second I saw him, and heard him cry......shit. I bawled my eyes out. I tried to hold it in. Didn't help. I'll even let you into a more personal moment. It was so overwhelming how much love and emotion you suddenly feel, that I walked out to grab my parents who were in the waiting room and pulled my mom aside and just leaned into her and let it all out. Could not control it. I felt like I had been carrying a semi truck all day. I was just so overwhelmed with joy, and so many other unexplainable emotions, that I just let it all out onto her shoulder. Which I believe was also the best person ever to have done that too. Crying over my child being born into the arms of the amazing woman who brought me into the world. I am so much bigger than my mom in physical size, but at that moment, I felt small. I felt safe. It was amazing.<br />
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Didn't really think you were going to be reading a big ole sappy blog now did ya? Who knew this asshole had feelings and emotions like this eh? Well I'm honest. And never ashamed to share my life with you all.<br />
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But it's hard at the same time. Being a parent is definitely a new experience and one I will continue to have every day for the rest of my life. Quite a remarkable and fantastic year this is turning out to be. One of the hardest I have ever encountered, and not just because of the baby. But I am definitely excited for what's to come.<br />
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On a final note, I will try to blog more. And I know I have said that in the last few blogs, but shit, give me a break. Haha I want to, I really do. I just have to find the time. I'll try to sneak a post in here as much as I can.<br />
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Anywho,<br />
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See ya!Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-29819190546488369492011-02-26T19:48:00.003-07:002011-02-26T20:56:57.254-07:00Well snap out of it! What, a hot older women made you feel her cans? Stop crying like a little girl.Fuck. Don't give me any shit for not posting in a long time because I know that I haven't posted. Has life been busy? Shit no. I'm just that lazy and got better things to do with my time. Actually, that isn't true now is it? Oh well. Anywho, things are getting much different over here. So a few months have past since my last post. Let's catch you up to speed. The lady and I finally moved and got ourselves into an apartment. Pretty much right in across the street from where she was living with her parents. But that is how it has been. Our roommates are her sister and the sisters boyfriend. We don't like our upstairs neighbors and have had shit tons of issues with them and their dumb ass children stomping around and running too much. And the biggest news of all, I am going to be a dad. Well, a father. Or something. Right now we don't know. We don't know if we are going to be giving it up or keeping it. I guess you will find out eventually. I work at a place called PMI where we offer coaching for people who want to start their own internet or real estate business. So far the sales haven't really equaled out to what I was expecting. But I am still only in my 2nd month of employment. So that's how it goes. I'm currently sitting at open mic at High Point for yet another time in my life. Nothing I am particularly stoked on. There is something about sitting at a place where every Saturday for the past year the same old people have come to play songs that they don't progress at or write newer songs. Not to mention the covers can be just god awful.<br /><br />Im struggling in getting into any sort of topic here. Seems a lot more like just rambling than anything of any importance. It's quite a turning point in the life right now. There are very few instances in life where you can sit and actually have the time to think about your next move in life and have the control to think out a huge life altering situation. Something you shouldn't take for granted either.<br /><br />Here's something that I will go into though. I have had many friends over the years that I have never met. People that I establish relationships with whom I have met through some form of social network and kept up those friendships even with the lack of hang outs, meet-ups, etc. Many people that I consider friends and that they even consider myself a friend. I was talking with my best friend about this the other night. Recently he has asked to be set up with girls that I know, and I have given him numbers of girls I haven't talked to in a while, but in their conversation he states getting their number from me. Instantly the girls trust my friend and feel comfortable about speaking to him, because they trust me and have that respect of friendship and feeling of comfort. Not the normal feel you get from when a stranger randomly texts you saying "WHAT UP!".<br /><br />In 2008 I began getting people mentioning me on Twitter. I saw that these two kids continually were talking to me about things I posted and even included me in their internet webisode they film in Washington, while I am in Utah. To this day, one of the kids is still someone I speak to on a daily basis whether it be on Twitter, texting, on the phone, or Facebook. Kind of interesting how through these social networks true friendships have been created.<br /><br />The other day at work we were all talking about people who don't like talking on the phone, only like to text or IM each other. The new generation with all this technology is going to have serious communication problems. It's definitely a changing world. I wonder how exactly things will be in ten years. (My little boy will be ten years old....weird to think about.)<br /><br />Anywho, I know this blog lacked a good decent flow. But even though I say this almost every time I post, I will try to maintain this blog with more than the usual random updates and try to put it in more daily, weekly, or shit....let's be real and say monthly. But with the pregnancy and all, I am going to try for more than monthly and go for at LEAST weekly.<br /><br />We'll see how long that lasts....<br /><br />Fuck off bitches!Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-85358832900127183132010-10-25T19:08:00.002-06:002010-10-25T19:32:04.483-06:00What is wrong with you? Hey, I don't want to eat nothing but pancakes, I want to live!So last night my lady and I drove to get coffee. We had a night full of packing ahead of us preparing for the move into an apartment we don't even know if we are approved for. But regardless, we are moving Friday no matter what. Just not certain on where we will be moving to. I digress. So she didn't want to go into the coffee shop to get her drink, so she sent me in with $3 and the change I had in my pockets. I asked her if she wanted me to leave a tip and she said to leave a dollar. The drink ends up being $3.51 and this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">barista</span> was left with a shitty tip. No biggie in my mind, because it wasn't that difficult of a drink and yea. When telling her the price of the drink, she continues to say "I should have gone in. I probably would have gotten it for cheaper." Which isn't cocky, it's most likely true. The little <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">barista</span> dude has a crush on my lady. So I am more than certain she probably could have gotten it for at least a dollar cheaper.<br />But I went on to tell her, that in most cases, a girl will usually get a deal on food, order, etc. if the person selling the product is male. Guys are all about giving an attractive female a discount or something. Most of the time just to be nice to the attractive girl, maybe sometimes just to impress the girl. Maybe even to get a number, whatever. But I was explaining that in most cases a guy will be have that way. But if an attractive guy goes in to buy something from a female, the female may think he's just drop dead attractive, but will probably still charge him full price. In some cases a girl might give a discount or something. But usually a female will behave that way. It's no biggie. Mainly also because girls don't need to behave like guys in that sense. Guys are always on the prowl, trying to impress the opposite sex. Ladies on the other hand, even mildly attractive, know they can get a guy. They don't REALLY need to impress anyone. There is always some guy out there who is interested. Might not be up to the girls standards, but still, there is some male out there that is interested in every girl.<br /><br />The conversation then turned and I started laughing and said "The only reason I am good looking is because of you being on my arm. Being next to you just makes me better looking...." then I stopped. Cause I realized what I was saying was so incredibly false. I corrected myself. "Wait...I am more hideous standing next to you than attractive. People probably stare at us and go 'That girl can do much better than that ugly, fat turd'." Wow. Not in all cases, the attractive company you keep is benefiting you. I learned this last night. Laughter soon ensued because of how hilariously true the statement was. What an interesting realization. But I will admit that sometimes it does help in say, a group of friends. Kind of how there isn't that attractive of a girl or guy, but just by the attractive friends you are more susceptible to finding them attractive rather than seeing them alone. I don't know. I'm talking out of my ass now.<br /><br />Another realization recently is that I haven't had any sickness in the past year. Which makes me quite excited. I haven't had as much of a sniffle. And I would have to say this is most likely my most unhealthy I have lived. Still, nothing to celebrate. OR NOT! Give me some fucking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Jagermeister</span> or maybe I'll start making some drinks. On that point, moving into a new place will allow me to start <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">bartending</span> again. SHIT! So excited for that to happen. It will be good times. I love making drinks in my kitchen for friends. I could do it as a job but I think I would lose the love I have for it. Same thing with cooking. Love doing it, but couldn't work in a restaurant. I'd just flip my shit too easily. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Anywho</span>, time to end this.<br /><br />You know you love me.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">XOXO</span>Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-50630616095337628472010-10-24T12:01:00.002-06:002010-10-24T12:34:49.799-06:00Fuck her Matt! Fuck her for ME!So I have been staring out the window on this dreary Sunday afternoon and it got me thinking about my most recent car accident. So I thought I would let you all know what kind of car accidents I have been in in my lifetime. It most likely isn't that interesting, but just as watching a car accident is entertaining, hearing about them seems to have people pretty tuned in as well.<br /><br />My earliest car accident I can remember is my dad hitting a deer back when I was around 7 or 8 years old. We were driving down 14600th in Draper and headed towards the interstate, and a deer slams right into the side of our car, flips over the hood and runs away. It had to have died later cause we hit it, or I guess it hit us pretty hard and there was some blood and hair where it hit.<br /><br />My next car accident in memory is one from when I was about 16 years old. My buddy Court and I had gone over to our neighbors house to hang with them, even though we were banned from going over there. Their parents just didn't like us. And last I heard, they now don't like just me. They like him. Which in a sense, is quite fucked up. But whatever. To each their own. But our buddy Tyler had to go somewhere, and we decided to tag along. We most definitely weren't supposed to be with him but we did. It was a risk he was willing to take. We were driving his uncle's car and eating donuts that we had gotten from a previous donut run(I'll explain these later), and Court was eating an apple. While driving on main street in Lehi, the small 2 lane road that is constantly packed with traffic, Court finished his apple. There was a pick up truck on our right parked along the street. As we approached it Court says "I bet I can make it into that truck." As he gets ready to throw the apple core, Tyler rear ends the car in front of us sending Courts head into the windshield, my donut onto the floor of the car, and Tyler into a bewilderment of what just happened. Since we weren't even supposed to be with Tyler in the first place, what did we decide to do? Book it the fuck out of there, leaving Tyler to deal with the accident report and all. That was an interesting one.<br /><br />The next one after that was when I was living in Heber, UT. I had my buddy come up from Lehi to go on a blind date with the best friend of the girl I was interested in. Which sucked for him, cause she was not the best looking girl. Horrible teeth if I remember correctly. But Im not even sure what the date consisted of, but we went on it. The girls lived in Park City and so we had to drive them home. It was around midnight and we were driving pretty fast on the interstate, around 95MPH to hurry & get the girls home, when out of nowhere a deer runs out into the road. Not across the road, but directly at us. We hit that sucker going 95MPH! Super loud crunch & bang, and the car is off. We roll over to the side of the road. The deer has destroyed the car. The front end was just a mess. The deer flew up over the hood of the car and off by the passenger door. We definitely killed it on impact, but the weird part was that the body was no where to be found. We couldn't find it anywhere. It was pretty crazy. But that was the day we killed my buddies Dodge Neon.<br /><br />Note* So far on all of these accidents, I have been a passenger. This is where that all changes.<br /><br />The next one I believe was when I was driving in Draper. I was driving my beater little Nissan Sentra and I'm not sure what we were doing before, but the gf at the time and I needed to flip a U-turn. The road didn't have a center turning lane, and the left lane was backed up from everyone who was currently getting off work to go home. So while sitting there in my lane, blinker-a-blinkin, waiting for an open spot, I notice a car approaching in my rear view mirror. As I watch it I begin to wonder if the car is going to go around me or not. Once I realize it isn't, I turn to my gf and say "Hold on" then *BAM!* I get hit by this car while stopped going 50MPH. Shit hurt. Whiplash was pretty bad. I pull off to the side of the road, as do they. Their car is completely annihilated. It was a 1996 BMW that was in pretty good condition, but completely destroyed on the front end. Steaming, dripping fluids, tires exploded, etc. Looking at my car, Wasn't too bad. Just dented in on one side, and my trunk no longer shut. Got the police report and they got towed off, and I drove away. My car was a little trooper. I also got $2k out of that wreck. My gf went to school with the guy and girl in the other car. The guy ended up telling her, "Yea we totally weren't paying attention. She was trying to find a cd to listen to, texting, and I had my hands in her pants."<br /><br />What was that? You heard me right. Not only is it hard to find a cd and text while driving, but who knows if she hit his mid-orgasm. What a joke. But oh well. Quite the funny story to pass down to you loyal blog readers. *Crickets*<br /><br />Damn I hope someone is reading this.<br /><br />The next accident is the most recent one. Nothing too exciting. Just hydroplaned into a car. Their car...no damage. Maybe a crack in the bumper. Nothing else. My car, like the BMW in the last story, annihilated. Well not totally. It still runs. Just looks like it got destroyed. Crunched hood and crunched bumper.<br /><br />Well there you go. Some pretty uninteresting stories about car accidents I have been involved in. Maybe in a few hours or possibly tomorrow I will have some better gems to share with you. Like maybe some tour stories from back in the day. I have some good ones about sex shops, bars we had shows at, the Lutheran church, etc. Those are always good to reflect on. Mainly for me, not for you. It helps me remember them. HA! Bye nerds.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-17383654810109865682010-10-24T11:07:00.003-06:002010-10-24T11:32:44.344-06:00My Precious! O my Precious!I've had a bit of a hectic week. And it doesn't seem to be slowing down. The sad part is it is one of those hectic weeks, where not a lot is going on right in front of you, but lots of stuff is happening in the background. For example, we recently applied to move into these apartments, and to get the application right and all the lease shit figured out, we've had to turn in a lot of documents. Since it is income restricted, they dive pretty much into your personal life to verify earnings and everything. Have I already explained this situation? Well shit...if I have, nothings changed. If I haven't, well then......that's what's going on. I like the idea that I am blogging again, but I have been struggling with things to talk about. So I think I will do a little bit of story telling.<br /><br />So I would not consider myself a hairy male. Like, some dudes are covered on the chest, belly, back, shoulders, etc. It can get pretty crazy on some dudes. I am not like that. I have it on my belly, but it's not even thick. If you are picturing me naked right now, then I have succeeded. But there are some men out there that I feel quite bad about being so hairy. I know they don't like it. My buddy Xtian is a pretty hairy dude. Has it all over his body and such. But still, is that the worse I have witnessed in my life? Not at all. By far the most hairy man I have ever witnessed was a kid around the age of 22. Skinnier kid, not bigger really. Met him in Vermillion, South Dakota while on tour. The kid lifted up his shirt and I swear to god it was like staring at Chewbacca. The hair was so black and so thick. I could carpet a house with his stomach/chair/back hair. It was pretty intense. But didn't stop there. He went on to tell me that his girlfriend once waxed his ass. Which he said was so incredibly painful, not because of getting waxed (though I am sure it did include some pain), but because of the hair growing back after a week was just incredibly uncomfortable. Sounds incredibly awful to be a hairy male.<br /><br />I've been trying to sell my car lately. Which is incredibly hard to do for 2 reasons. 1. It's got body damage. 2. I KNOW I am losing money on it, just because I know even in it's condition, that it's worth more. But no one wants to purchase a car that has some pretty significant body damage. So here I am selling a car that is worth about $800, still drives, and all, but has it for sell for about $500. Now I know what you are thinking, "Dude....you drive a car that is worth $800? You must drive a shitty car." But it's honestly not that bad. It is quite nice, just old. But even as an old car, it was pretty well taken care of. But still shitty for me since I have to keep lowering the price.<br /><br />This is all for now. I don't want to continue writing. Ha!Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-34754921140256533872010-10-22T17:23:00.000-06:002010-10-24T11:05:36.997-06:00I know, but I had to test it. It's where I was at during that time!So as I write this I am sitting at the nail salon while my lady gets her nails worked on for her Halloween costume. We've been here for about an hour and a half. I'm forced to sit on an incredibly uncomfortable couch listening to quite possibly the worst 90's songs on Sirius radio. To my right are two ladies and the nail girl all talking quite openly about not wanting men who are "hung like a horse" or one who "eats like one". Just listening to this conversation has made me a dumber individual in the world. I thought it could be the chemicals in the air, but turns out to just be the air-headedness of the females to my right. Apparently one of the girls boyfriends is in a band. He's also "chunky but not overweight". This guy has to be in a Nickleback wanna-be band. He grew his hair long just for their music video. Hmm, I know a lot of dudes in bands, none that care THAT much about the length of their hair for a music video. I don't get girls like this. Jeans and 5 inch heels. Never have I liked a girl who wears that style. It kind of screams "I'm a whore". But whatever. This chemical is killing my head. It's starting to overpower the females dumb laughs & convo. But the gf knows how to get me to do these things, (yes...I do it out of love) and by that I mean feeding me Carls Jr. prior to the nail appointment is worth it. Buy me a big yummy meal, and I'll tag along doing whatever. Even going to the DMV. Yea, I said it. Anywho, I'm done with typing this on my phone. I'm out.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-37799605081163295022010-10-21T15:26:00.002-06:002010-10-21T16:09:20.216-06:00Do you know what all of these things have in common? They're cheap!I know it has been a long time since I have posted here. I'm not too sure on why I ever stopped, probably just got busy and then got busier and never returned. Yea, it's been a year. Yea, shit has changed. Quite a bit from how it was last year too. So here has what happened, friends have come and gone, new ones have come and gone, residency has come and gone, and jobs have come and gone. Started dating the gf and have been heavily in love for the past year. There, all caught up? Good. Now we can begin.<br /><br />So one thing I wanted to talk about today is something I have witnessed over the past year. How creepy some <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">fuckin</span> people are. I sit at my girlfriends work from time to time and play on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">internet</span>, drink coffee, chat with the regulars, etc. I've had some pretty good conversations with some of the regular customers and the workers of the coffee shop. Many friendships have grown from these conversations and such. But one thing that still makes me laugh and sometimes upset are these gross, perverted, old men who sit in the coffee shop and STARE at the female employees. My girlfriend is a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">hottie</span>, I know this. And I can see how these creepy old men can stare at all the other employees as well. A lot of the time, right in front of my face. Sometimes I just laugh, sometimes I am not afraid to tell them to back the fuck off. Regardless of who the person is, sometimes, you just shouldn't say certain shit to people and think it is okay. Does it happen with younger customers as well, of course. But I don't mind them as much. (Though there are some other events that have happened I just won't comment on now. But yea.) It's these old farts in their 40's to 60's who are a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Cialis</span> away from panting and barking like a dog in heat towards my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">gf</span> and the other employees. I have noticed it more with my girlfriend than the other employees, mainly because I usually only sit her during her shifts, not the others. These old men, some that are married, sit and stare like a 10 year old seeing porn for the first time. It's pretty blatant staring and in some cases, creepily smiling. The girlfriend had a customer the other day sit at the bar and stare and smile at her while she was working with her sister. The customer continually tried calling her over to talk with her and said things along the lines of "you have a world class body". Blows my mind that some old man would be that insanely creepy to say something like that to her.<br /><br />Her job is a joke. It's too bad she has a job that she loves so much who is ran by a complete moron. Who by the way is perfect in every sense. He's a douche, and I don't care if he knows I hate him. I could tell him all his flaws quite easily. He's probably too dumb to understand though.<br /><br />Oh my opinions on things that don't even involve me.<br /><br />I have been extremely stressed this week due to apartment hunting. We finally found a place and all decided to apply on it, but now we have to wait to see if we get approved. It's low-income housing, so between 4 of us, we have to make under $42,000. So quite easy since I am unemployment and the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">gf</span> and her sister work as <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">baristas</span> at a coffee shop. The other being unemployed and not receiving anything also helps. But we will see. It makes me nervous having to wait.<br /><br />This is a pretty shitty post I would say. I had some pretty good gems back in the day. Maybe once I get back into writing and such, I will be more prevalent in my thoughts. Maybe.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-86610938264612662642010-10-17T12:41:00.001-06:002010-10-17T12:43:18.997-06:00Arise! Arise!It's time to speak again.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-8986532557730736872010-02-26T00:51:00.001-07:002010-02-26T00:52:40.345-07:00I have fallen behind....and I am sorry. I have just gotten busy. I'll post more in the upcoming week. I promise to you and myself.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-32226003986476895802010-01-01T20:30:00.000-07:002010-01-01T20:30:00.038-07:00As a friend, I am concerned....I think you are lost. I think you have want to be someone you are not. You say that the person that you have been all your life, was not the person you wanted to be. That being that person you werent not happy. I think it is a copout. You were happy. You had moments in your life that were huge where you felt invincible and on top of the world. But the past year you are not the friend that I once knew. You have had your ups and downs. But now I do not know who you are. I love you to death. And I will continue to be your friend. Even when you look down on me. When you laugh at every fault I have made and in turn take pride in yourself for being nothing like me. It hurts to know that you see me as a burden, and have for a long time. But it hurts me more to see you like this. Wanting something that you know is so negative for you. We have had talks about certain people that we know, and how pathetic they are for being depressed or being stupid by their actions in life. And so many times I hear you say things that I wish you would take in for yourself. You are depressed, and lash out at people who have your back. I have had so many of our mutual friends tell me that after spending time with you, and talking to you, they don't like you. That you are so completely different than the person that they met it hurts them. Many times being flat out rude, and disrespectful to them. And I try to say that you don't mean it. And also tell you that some of your comments are outlandish and absurd. It's really quite disappointing. You are a way awesome kid, but you turn your back on yourself. You are the one who has the power to change yourself, and only you. You say that about everyone else who are in similar situations but you don't do it yourself. You are going places in life. Whether you truly believe it or not. There is more in store for you. And even though people your age may have things that you wish to have, you don't want to rush into it and get it as soon as possible. We know how awful that can turn out. It's been 2 months now, and you need to get out of this hole that you live in. You need to stop being bitter and looking down on the world. You know what you want out of life, and all you need to do is get up and go get it. You are not stuck. You are NOT old. Oppurtunity cannot come knocking if you don't let it. In such a short time of ridding yourself of Ashley, you took giant leaps. You played music, joined a band, started getting back out there. And the second she came back you fell backwards and stopped all the progress you made. So many people have hope for you, and want you to succeed. People you have even burned in feeling down for yourself. I love you and so do many other people. Who are always there for you. No matter what. SO many friends and family who at the drop of a pin would go out on a limb for you. I am one of those people and you know who the others are. It sucks seeing you like this. But I don't know how to tell you. So like in the past, I result to this.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-45828570263484107322010-01-01T17:55:00.002-07:002010-01-01T17:57:40.790-07:00I must have been out of my mind....2010New Years is usually a time for reflection. You look at the past year full of accomplishments, hard-times, goals that you met, goals that fell short. And in all you look at how you can take everything from the past year, and make it better for the upcoming.<br />So many people slow down right now and look at themselves. I pretty much look at the past. And not the past year usually, but I mainly ask myself "What did I do last new years eve?". I think I will share some of those memories in the order in which I can remember them.<br />I remember being small with my sisters. And every year we would join the neighborhood kids at midnight and bang pots. I remember it being so much fun being out with pots, pans, and wooden spoons. We'd always make a party out of it though. We'd go to the gas station and get to buy some candy and soda. Then we'd come home with movies that we rented and watch them until it was time to go outside and start making noise. I would fall asleep sometimes, but there were some nights I didn't.<br />As time passed, my sisters got older and hung out with their friends on New Years. Me being the youngest would just sit at home with my dad. Usually playing a video game or watching Dick Clark's special in New York. I remember also turning on our Xmas lights right at midnight. It was silly, but I made sure they were off the whole night, and then on right at 12.<br />Another New Years I remember is not such a happy memory. I had made plans to go to a girls house I liked with my buddy Ryan. He also said he had some interest in her. But I can't remember what had happened, but an argument arose between my parents and I, resulting in me being grounded on New Years eve. I threw a fit the entire night. They told me they were taking me out of school and such. I remember feeling like my life was ending. I was also upset because the girl I wanted to kiss at midnight was sitting at her house, with my friend. Not me.<br />Now I will go into the more recent years.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2005/2006:</span> I was working at the University Mall at this time working graveyards. I remember not being that upset that I had to work on New Years, which is odd. I'm not sure what I did prior to going to work, but at 10pm I clocked in and worked til the morning. I could hear fireworks and horns honking outside. All while I was alone in the University Mall.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2006/2007:</span> I spent this New Years eve at a Trademark show. It was at Starry Night and I can't quite remember the other bands that were playing. The girlfriend at the time was Maddie. She was there with all her friends as well. It was oddly a good turn out for it being New Years and all. Lots of people were there. I also remember Tacia and I, along with someone else I can't place, went to Little Caesars to buy some pizza for us.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2007/2008:</span> This year I spent with an entirely new group odf friends I had met. We were at Josh's house and it was him, David, Greco, and I. Christian wasn't there cause he had moved to Washington just a few days before. We were having a big get together and invited everyone over. But no one showed up. The only person who did show up was Zrinka, whom I was interested in at the time. There was an awful snow storm that people claimed was the reason they weren't coming to our New Years party, but it didn't stop them from going to others. We didn't really drink, we did here and there...but that was it. I remember the next day though, we were cleaning the kitchen and they were about to give me a ride home. Annoyed that I didn't get drunk the night before, I started pounding shot after shot of 99 Bananas. And before long, was sitting in the back seat drunk as could be.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2008/2009:</span> I was living in Orem with Marin and David at the time. We planned to have a little get together with some friends. Christian wasn't there that night either, I can't remember why. He must have been with Ashley or something. But we invited some friends over. I believe it was Me, Mare, David, Greco, Tyson, Jordan, Kira, and Ambree. Mare and I went to pick up some pizza and drove around in the car for a bit while we called family and some friends wishing them a Happy New Year. We then returned home and Jordan had brought over a bunch of fireworks and such to light off at midnight which we did. We drank a little and then watched a movie and went to bed.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2009/2010:</span> Now we are heading into the new decade. Lots of things have changed. But a lot is still the same. I need to work on my bad habits, and bettering my life. Getting out of negative routines and working hard to get where I want to be in life. Put my passions first, and stop giving in to things that are present but not fulfilling. It's going to be an interesting year to say the least. But I'm ready for it. I don't expect it to be easier. I expect it to be much harder.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-70088149245009250972008-06-05T15:15:00.001-06:002009-12-27T13:29:38.700-07:00So here I sit...With lots of thoughts, but not much to say to anyone. There are a lot of feelings I would like to express to people. But not now. I dont have the correct words. If I were to open up and say how I felt, I wouldnt be comfortable with how it is perceived. I wouldnt feel that my words could express how I am feeling at the moment. So people who need to be told how I am feeling towards them would get a misconstrued view.<br /><br />I am bothered by everyones opinions on how I am living my life. Your comments, your opinions, etc.....you can keep to your fucking self. I do not have to listen to them, and there is no point in saying it. My choices do not effect you or your life. Yet nothing that I am doing is harmful. (This is not about substances.)Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-25062070405103731542009-12-26T21:30:00.000-07:002009-12-26T21:30:00.796-07:00Previous Words: Blink-182So lately I have been excited over the reunion of my all time favorite band blink-182. For most people who know me, they know I love the band and the members greatly. But also with my excitement comes the people who believe that they need to voice their opinion of disgust of the band. Many comments such as "I love Blink, but I'm not twelve anymore", "Puuuuuuuke", "I like GOOD music" etc.<br /><br />Here is where I shut you the fuck up.....<br /><br />A lot of people have said that they used to enjoy the band but they no longer do because they are no longer in junior high. In my opinion, (as someone who appreciates music, musicianship, talent, hard-work, devotion, and doing what you love), you can never grow out of music. You can always find in yourself that one thing that attracted you to that musician in the first place. Such is the case with me loving blink-182. I first got into them with their Dude Ranch cd in Elementary School. And as I grew, the band grew. With each album I found something that I could relate with. Which is the beauty with music. It is the same way that some will turn on their old Hanson or Spice Girls CD. We know that they are out of date and no longer a hit. But you listen to them because it speaks to your inner self that once felt that strong connection with the artist or song.<br /><br /><br />I love blink-182. I KNOW they are immature (have you even met me?). I KNOW they are horrible live 90% of the time. But I see through all of that to find the message that I can relate with. As I do with every artist.<br /><br /><br />Did you bother to listen to their last album? Or were you just being biased and going off of the radio songs you know of?<br /><br />With there being so much music that is accessible now, it's hard to find the artists that are truly talented and deserve the credit. But also, I believe that if you find something you are passionate about and care about, you should stick up for it and believe in it. I believe in music. Not what you may hear on the radio, or in a movie, or on a cd. I believe in the music that plays in the soundtrack to my life. And a lot of the time, blink-182 is writing and playing and singing the emotions and thoughts that flow through me everyday.<br /><br />I do not care for genre's. I just listen for what speaks to me. If you did that, you'd be surprised at the range of artists you will find and enjoy.<br />No one has better taste in music than you. They are all just personal opinions.<br />Now go fuck yourselves cock suckers. And keep your self righteous thoughts to yourself.<br /><br />I appreciate music. Simple as that.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-82020697561109849392009-12-26T19:16:00.000-07:002009-12-26T19:16:00.183-07:00Previous words: Michael Jackson's death...<div class="note_content text_align_ltr direction_ltr clearfix"> <div>You can do either two things, and that is show your sorrow for losing Michael Jackson, or not say anything at all. <br /><br />If you feel the need to show your sorrow, appreciation, and love for Michael Jackson, go ahead and do it.</div><div class="photo photo_left"><div class="photo_img"><a href="http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1979549&op=1&view=all&subj=120853841202&aid=-1&auser=0&oid=120853841202&id=618433776"><br /></a></div></div><div class="clear_left"> But if you are someone who wants to be funny, or put down others for being sad about this, you can go fuck yourself. <br /><br />What this means is bring yourself down to the human level. Because Michael meant something to A LOT of people. Especially over generations. And we all post things on Myspace or Facebook about things that matter to us. Every single one of us. EVERY SINGLE DAY WE DO THIS. We can find many bulletins or status updates throughout the day who are posting about something that made them happy, bummed out, excited, nervous, etc. But somewhere along the line people feel like they need to bring others down for emotion.<br /><br />If you feel like you need to be one of these people, you can go fucking die. And take Perez Hilton with you. We are all human beings and we do not need to do this to each other. We do not need this bullshit. It really goes back to the old saying "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."<br /><br />There needs to be more fo a mutual respect for each other. <br /><br />On a musician level, it saddens me to hear people who "claim" to be a musician say such awful things about a legend. True musicians have a respect for all music. You do not have to like the music, but always respect it. If you ever notice the best musicians are influenced from multiple genres. They have no boundaries. Musicians should respect the fact that, Michaels music, has been labeled timeless. Becoming the highest selling artist in history. You don't have to like him, but you can respect the hard work and dedication to music. FOR MUSIC.<br /><br /><div id="text_expose_id_4b36770ae508c6247cf6f" class="comment_actual_text text_exposed">It's true. Everyone dies. But yes, some people over-react. But the legend and icon that Michael Jackson was, that's what people are so shocked with. Yes people die. But here's the thing, take a celebrity or artist or musician that you love, and wouldn't you be pretty devastated if they died? I know you would. Same thing with me and Blink. Because with MJ, Blink, etc., <span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><span class="text_exposed_show">THATS PART OF OUR YOUTH!! It's a part of us. Its memories etc. And you always want new material or to go see them live. And with Michael Jackson being as huge as he was world wide, and having everyone know who he was and his songs, and his legacy, yea....its a pretty big deal that he is now gone. It's not that they are freaking out that the PERSON THEY KNEW died, its how that person affected their life and is now finished. It will never be more than it is. That's why I said its ok for people to be sad that he is gone. Obviously some people will be WAY OVER DRAMATIC about that, but you're gonna get those type of people with any thing really.</span></div><br /><br />That is all.</div></div>Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191702786838798580.post-62492476515185192992009-12-26T18:59:00.000-07:002009-12-26T18:59:00.233-07:00We all could use a little advice....If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.<br /><br />Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.<br /><br />The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.<br /><br />Do one thing every day that scares you.<br /><br />Sing.<br /><br />Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.<br /><br />Floss.<br /><br />Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.<br /><br />Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.<br /><br />Keep your old love letters. Throw your old bank statements.<br /><br />Stretch.<br /><br />Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't know.<br /><br />Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.<br /><br />Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.<br /><br />Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.<br /><br />Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.<br /><br />Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.<br /><br />Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.<br /><br />Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.<br /><br />Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.<br /><br />Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.<br /><br />Live in New York City once, but leave it before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.<br /><br />Travel.<br /><br />Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.<br /><br />Respect your elders.<br /><br />Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.<br /><br />Don't mess around too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.<br /><br />Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.<br /><br />But trust me on the sunscreen.Danhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07993136648084107738noreply@blogger.com0