I can sense your hell...

Sometimes it is hard to get a blog started. I feel like I have a lot that I want to write about but have a hard time trying to find what to actually start typing. There's an abundance of topics that I can hit, but the first line is always a pain in the ass. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Like a VERY long time. So I guess I am just rusty. My world has significantly changed from the posts before. It's interesting to read back on them and see what I was doing in my life at those times. Those thoughts and emotions that I was having. It's funny growing older, and seeing how that those moments were real. You take something in from those moments or experiences and they're important to you. And even if someone else was experiencing that thing with you, it may have meant more or not as much as it did to you. The life that you are living is seen only by you. Your reality can be different than anothers. We are all so unique. It's crazy to think about. So I have started my podcast, and will be starting a new podcast shortly. I am really excited about the new podcast. The format is pretty simple and I have seen it be successful for others. I hope my take on it turns out to be as well. The show is called The Overlooked and is where I interview your random, every day citizen. So many podcasts feature celebrities, actors, comedians, people in the entertainment industry, etc. and they have amazing stories. They are super interesting. You take this person that every knows of but maybe doesn't REALLY know. These podcasts give you an insight into their lives and makes them more human. But it's always interesting when you meet a stranger, who is just like you and I, and they tell you stories from their life and their experiences. And you never know what that story could mean to someone else. Something they could say about the every day shit that we all go through and maybe feel like it only happens to you. This person could have had the same experience and then shared their take on it. But it would also be enjoyable to hear about the stories from this persons life. Now I fear that people won't want to listen to someone that they have never heard of and won't ever hear of again. They aren't in the public spot light like a celebrity might be. But one thing that I have found, is that it really doesn't matter if you know the person or not. I am an avid listener of the WTFpod with Marc Maron. He comes out with a new podcast every other day. And interviews the big stars, but also a lot of people that are behind the scenes. People I have never heard of or even seen their work. And Maron can make people interesting. I was talking to my father about how a lot of what makes an interesting interview is how good the interviewer is. How they are able to take something that someone says, and find the keyword to expand on. It'a very natural sounding coming from Maron. You see it a lot with Bill Allred who hosts the Let's Go Eat Show podcast. It's interesting to see these two men, who are extremely good interviewers. They take these people that I have had no interest in learning about, and finding my favorite episodes to be about people I would not know if they had not interviewed them. It's quite inspiring too. But anywho, I will post more once I actually start posting podcasts for that. You can always check out my current podcast The Andy Wolff & Ghost show. Its on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Libsyn. You can find more about that at andyandghost.com or on Twitter @andyandghost.

Bye fuckers.

the child inside

If you are to know anything as an adult, it's that puberty is awful to all of us. That awkward, self conscious child is still inside everyone.

 - dw

As simple as it gets...

You know when sometimes you have those moments where you think you have life figured out. You know everything that you need to be happy, and make a plan for the future to make sure you retain the perfect life you have now figured out. I don't have those moments anymore. I don't have those feelings of accomplishment, of figuring life out, of feeling confident about a situation. I am living more now than ever before in a hazy, unsure future. It's scary. I don't feel confident in anything. I don't feel confident in myself. I also get scared of my heart. I fear it's power. I constantly try to hide and avoid it.

I definitely don't have myself figured out. I have a lot of really basic things of my daily routine and emotions figured out. I know my thought processes. I know a lot of things that may seem overly sure of things, but as a whole, I don't have myself figured out. Even though knowing those things about myself come off as loud and prominent, they are only a small portion of me. They just are the most visible.

I have been having a lot of stuff in my head lately. A lot of thoughts.  A lot of desires. A lot of ideas. A lot of opinions. A lot of emotions.

It's getting crowded.

I will tell you more later. I am back for good.

(...not simple, as you can tell.)

It's what keeps me going....

It's beautiful what we have. And I couldn't agree more. I don't see the day where things between you and I go wrong. There just isn't anything that could be found in a regular relationship with us. We are kind of unique in that sense. The last few nights with you have been amazing. From going to dinner, to taking naps in your bed, going to get coffee everyday, and to just hanging out and about. Your presence is something magical. At times you will wrap your arms around me and it just feels safe.

Dec. 27, 2009

So it turns out....

You can make butters out of new nuts. I made a whole bunch tonight.I made pistachio, macadamia, and walnut. Still gotta perfect the recipes a little, but they turned out much better than expected.

That's actually all I am going to talk about tonight.

I had to keep this post short, its already 4:00am.

Goodnight

Do you think you can make butter out of nuts? Like....new nuts?

So I am starting to feel more crafty and get interested in things I thought I would never do. But I am currently thinking of many new ventures that I would love to take. I thought about starting a Boiled Peanuts Stand. Back in Mississippi, they had stands that are similar to what we have here in Utah that sale Beef Jerky and such, but they sell boiled peanuts.

Boiled peanuts do not sound very good. Whenever I tell people about them they give me the disgusted look. I don't blame you. But if you only knew how they tasted. Salty, cold, and wet. So amazing. But yea, they had those stands where they sold them. And I am sure they made decent money. But man it would be awesome to sale those at the Farmers Market. I also thought about selling things like butters. Peanut, Cashew, etc. Making all sorts of crazy nut butters. I have only seen Almond and Peanut. I think it would be rad to make walnut, cashew, pistachio, etc. Such rad flavors of butters.

I should stop saying butters. Anywho, I would really love to be blogging again about much more than butters, but this is what I can give to you at 2:00am in the morning.

Well, I will blog more. I got a lot of shit to let off.

Adios fuckers! I love you all!

It's about what to do with the time that has been given to you!

So not much blogging. Yea, I hate it. I honestly do. But it really is true what they say. Once you have a kid your entire life is suddenly devoted to them. If I am not at work, I am either cooking dinner, cleaning, while Kristine holds/feeds him or vice versa. Quite the interesting turn of events. But alas, it is amazing. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love the kid to death. It's almost overwhelming when I actually think about it.

What I find crazy is how suddenly I have every single fear of a new parent. I fear the craziest, most random, and sometimes down right absurd things. I notice things that I never noticed in the world. I had a friend who said once "If you want to see the world differently, do shrooms. It will never be the same after that." I never took his advice, but if you don't want to do drugs, have a kid. It ALSO changes your view on things and suddenly you see things different;y than before. I used to think that if I had a kid, how could I handle the crying? I have 11 nieces and nephews. And whenever they cry or get loud I literally cannot stand it and have to go to a different room. With all children it is like that. If a kid is crying at a restaurant or being rowdy in a public area, I want to smack them and say "Shut the hell up!" or tell their parents to get the hell out of here. It's a patience thing. Then, I have a kid. And suddenly, I have patience. I can listen to him cry about being hungry or just down right fussy and it doesn't effect me the way that it once did. It's quite.....indescribable in so many aspects how different you become after having a child. In so many good ways though. None of them are bad. At least I don't think.

One of the most amazing things about giving birth to a child is the flood of emotions. And calling it a flood is even an understatement. The second I saw him, and heard him cry......shit. I bawled my eyes out. I tried to hold it in. Didn't help. I'll even let you into a more personal moment. It was so overwhelming how much love and emotion you suddenly feel, that I walked out to grab my parents who were in the waiting room and pulled my mom aside and just leaned into her and let it all out. Could not control it. I felt like I had been carrying a semi truck all day. I was just so overwhelmed with joy, and so many other unexplainable emotions, that I just let it all out onto her shoulder. Which I believe was also the best person ever to have done that too. Crying over my child being born into the arms of the amazing woman who brought me into the world. I am so much bigger than my mom in physical size, but at that moment, I felt small. I felt safe. It was amazing.

Didn't really think you were going to be reading a big ole sappy blog now did ya? Who knew this asshole had feelings and emotions like this eh? Well I'm honest. And never ashamed to share my life with you all.

But it's hard at the same time. Being a parent is definitely a new experience and one I will continue to have every day for the rest of my life. Quite a remarkable and fantastic year this is turning out to be. One of the hardest I have ever encountered, and not just because of the baby. But I am definitely excited for what's to come.


On a final note, I will try to blog more. And I know I have said that in the last few blogs, but shit, give me a break. Haha I want to, I really do. I just have to find the time. I'll try to sneak a post in here as much as I can.

Anywho,


See ya!