I want to be a part of all Ive been without...

This holds so much power to it. The response in the email makes it perfect.



-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, April 20, 2008 8:19 PM
Subject: RE: 4/20/08 Gave up

Your father's success was raising four children who can think for themselves.

I think something poked me in the eye.....I think it was Simon Cowells nipples!

Lately I have discovered I have cable in my bedroom. Probably not the best thing for me, but I have been taking advantage of it. But I want to let you all know how much I love a show on the E! channel. If you happen to have this channel, be sure to check out The Soup. Its hosted by Joel Mchale and its hilarious. They pretty much make fun of every show on television. Whether it be reality shows, news broadcasts, soap operas, etc. It comes on on Mondays and Fridays but they have many reruns being played throughout the week. But also, if you are watching E!, don't watch the True Hollywood Story on the Kardashians. The worst THS ever. It seems as if it was produced and directed BY the Kardashians.

Finally, go pick up the new Thrice album this week. It's simply amazing. Its the Earth and Air EP's and you won't regret it. Also check out the website www.youhavedumbface.com. They post pictures of people who are in midsentence or blinking or just making dumb faces. This has been an odd post. I think there will be two posts this week.

Anywho, that's all for now, I want you inside me.

Who knew I had a brain....that likes to vomit?

Sometimes I wonder how things will play out. Will things be the same as they are now in a year? Lets hope not. Time right now is like running on a treadmill. You can do things to speed it up or slow it down, yet the scenery stays the same. I'm not sure why things seem to be playing out that way right now. But that's how it is. tonight I had dinner with two people who really know me as well as I know them. Its amazing that even after knowing eachother for years and years, we could sit in that pizza buffet for 3 hours and laugh to the brink of tears. Our stories never became old. Our world surrounding us didn't seem to matter. We only cared for what each person was sharing. Whether it be feelings of honesty. A story from the past. A shared memory of being with myself or one of them. It just felt like home. I've missed that feeling. I haven't had that feeling in years. I've had a taste here or there that made me desire it. But what I learned tonight was we are grown. We are not the people we once were. But we must hold onto the memories and feelings that we share with certain people. Regardless of who they are or what we do now. Things will never be the same between a select few. But I can't say that I don't miss them. I do everyday. Hopefully the future will bring good things. After grudges are dropped, maturity is reached, and respect has grown, then will you be satisfied not only with your surroundings, but with yourself. My mind has been living in a dark and dangerous place. Pushing myself to limits I do not want to take. But with the right people around you, you can overcome that darkness. You can flourish in what you are here to accomplish. So much of our lives are wasted on shit talk, hate, drama, etc. Get rid of it. Why keep negative things in your life? One thing I find amazing is how little people choose to be the bigger person in the simplest of lifes moments. We feel that if someone cuts us down we need to cut at them much deeper. Just because you forgive someone who has hurt you, betrayed you, disrespected you, doesn't mean you lose. You win. You win and receive much more reward than you can imagine. And if you live your life, and be the better person in all aspects of life, people will find it hard to be negative about you. Most of what I have said in this entry doesn't match my previous bulletins. But its a cluster of unorganized advice/thoughts/feelings that I wanted people to know, and that I also needed to say outloud and read myself. These words weren't meant to stay in my head. They needed an outlet. Sitting here just letting my fingers dance upon the keyboard, has been interesting. I hope you find something within this entry to take with you. Anywho, until next time. I want you inside me.