...these people.
You make my day and I can honestly say I haven't had
more fun day in and day out than
I have with you guys around.
Thank you!
Yes Christian....you too. (You're just not in the picture.)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Come here....
Please hold my hand for now....
I want a lazy day with a pretty girl.
Nothing to do.
No where to go.
No one around.
Just being able to lay in our pajamas...
all day long.
Monday, July 27, 2009
I'm on a high I can't come down from...
This weekend has been great. I don't think I have had so many days, full of so much fun and excitement. It's kind of refreshing and I really hope it doesn't end.
I don't even know what to do about it. Everything this past week has just worked out so smoothly and turned out exactly how I have wanted. People have said yes to things I thought they would say no to. People have had a good time that they keep coming back for more. Which is definitely a good thing since one of those people are someone I would like to keep around. Such a weird turn of events that have happened with that person to. Definitely didn't expect the reactions I am getting from them. Not complaining though.
But all I can do is hope that it continues down the path that it is currently going. And I am trying hard to make it that way.
I guess another reason I have been in a good mood this week, is that it seems that my friends are truly happy. We're all planning things together to make our little tripod stronger and get us where we want to be. Lots of ideas floating around, and honestly, I don't think we have all been so much on the same page since the "Garage Days" as we like to call them. And I think all of us can feel like there is a big change happening. And this change will be very good and beneficial to all of us in many ways. We're making our plans and goals, we're making efforts to better ourselves inside and out. We're just becoming happy I suppose. Finally realizing that if we want things, we have to go get them. If we want to be happy, we gotta work to be happy.
And it is paying off.
I have also realized that in this post, I have been sort of vague. Not really going into detail and no one will really know what it is EXACTLY that I am talking about. But that's a good thing. Just for now. It's a good thing. I can't let it all out now or it will just come out weird and too soon. I'm ok with that.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A run in with nature....
This bird was sitting on my car when I got off work. It let me pet it and I actually ended up picking it up and as I was setting it on the ground it flew away out of my hands. Aww baby birds.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Not sure what this means...
I am extremely tired with all this overtime I have been working. But my spirits definitely have their highs and lows. I gotta stop doing certain things to myself. I need to start from scratch on not try to mend things that are meant to stay broken. Oh well. Also there are two bands that have completely taken over my ears.
Seriously, As Cities Burn - Hell or Highwater puts me in a deep trance with thoughts of life and such. And Owl City - Ocean Eyes makes me want to fall in love with a girl in the spring time on a grassy field.
I think I need help.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Life....the things we do to ourselves..
I think it is funny sometimes the things we do in life, that we know will either negatively effect us or cause stress in our life. So here, I'll tell you about the things that I have been doing lately to negatively effect me or stress me out.
A few weeks back I had been living with my grandma for a while. It was just not a good situation for me. But it was cheap, VERY close to work, and was just probably the best thing for me to do. I was relying on family so that made it harder on me. And also since I was living in Utah County(which is about 30 mins south from Salt Lake County where every friend I have resides) it meant that I had no social life. So I decided to look for a place to live in the Salt Lake valley on my own and by myself. Looked at a lot of one bedroom apartments and such, looking for the best option for me to take. Luckily around that time a room opened up in my best friends apartment so I moved in there. Probably one of the smartest moves I have made in my life. BUT it does come with a lot of stress. The commute to work is 35 mins averaging 65 mph. Lots of gas is used. Rent is much more than I was paying. Plus I have to buy my food and such. So all of this is stressful yes. Money is stressful pretty much. But it's so worth being completely on my own. Even if I am not doing anything but sitting in my room.
Another thing that is stressful in life is the 1992 Nissan Sentra that I drive. If you go back to almost my very first post, you will see a picture of it in its better days. And you're gonna look at that picture and go "Better days? wtf is Dan thinking?" and I will agree. But it's much much worse now. I am waiting for it to die on me and I know it will die on me. It's a time bomb. The timing chain is off which makes the oil leak consistently and if not fixed, will eventually stop. It no longer goes into 5th gear. Causing me to be that crappy little car in the slow lane on the interstate that everyone hates. I used to hate those cars too...until I became one. Now I take my time, enjoy the drive, sing along with music. But along with living in Utah in the summer heat, right when spring rolled around my blower for my AC fan broke. So i turn the fan on, and nothing happens. Not to mention the AC has to be recharged. *sigh* So we will see when it finally dies. Maybe I could sell it before hand. Get some money off of it if possible. I'll see what I can do.
Anywho, pretty bored at work today. Didn't get much sleep last night. Went to bed late. Got up early to work the overtime I had scheduled. And in Seattle our awesome building that holds our servers caught fire so our servers are all screwed up. Making everything work slowly, and making today the busiest day for all of us here. And here I am working overtime. My patience by the end of the day will be widdled down to nothing.
We'll see if I survive.
A few weeks back I had been living with my grandma for a while. It was just not a good situation for me. But it was cheap, VERY close to work, and was just probably the best thing for me to do. I was relying on family so that made it harder on me. And also since I was living in Utah County(which is about 30 mins south from Salt Lake County where every friend I have resides) it meant that I had no social life. So I decided to look for a place to live in the Salt Lake valley on my own and by myself. Looked at a lot of one bedroom apartments and such, looking for the best option for me to take. Luckily around that time a room opened up in my best friends apartment so I moved in there. Probably one of the smartest moves I have made in my life. BUT it does come with a lot of stress. The commute to work is 35 mins averaging 65 mph. Lots of gas is used. Rent is much more than I was paying. Plus I have to buy my food and such. So all of this is stressful yes. Money is stressful pretty much. But it's so worth being completely on my own. Even if I am not doing anything but sitting in my room.
Another thing that is stressful in life is the 1992 Nissan Sentra that I drive. If you go back to almost my very first post, you will see a picture of it in its better days. And you're gonna look at that picture and go "Better days? wtf is Dan thinking?" and I will agree. But it's much much worse now. I am waiting for it to die on me and I know it will die on me. It's a time bomb. The timing chain is off which makes the oil leak consistently and if not fixed, will eventually stop. It no longer goes into 5th gear. Causing me to be that crappy little car in the slow lane on the interstate that everyone hates. I used to hate those cars too...until I became one. Now I take my time, enjoy the drive, sing along with music. But along with living in Utah in the summer heat, right when spring rolled around my blower for my AC fan broke. So i turn the fan on, and nothing happens. Not to mention the AC has to be recharged. *sigh* So we will see when it finally dies. Maybe I could sell it before hand. Get some money off of it if possible. I'll see what I can do.
Anywho, pretty bored at work today. Didn't get much sleep last night. Went to bed late. Got up early to work the overtime I had scheduled. And in Seattle our awesome building that holds our servers caught fire so our servers are all screwed up. Making everything work slowly, and making today the busiest day for all of us here. And here I am working overtime. My patience by the end of the day will be widdled down to nothing.
We'll see if I survive.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Some things I'd like to get off my chest...
Ive been thinking lately about a lot of things that mean the most to me in my life. And my personality loves relationships. I love having relationships with people. Good friendships, deep relationships with a girl, etc. I think honestly it actually helps you be more healthy mentally to have relationships with lots of people and work on those relationships. Making sure they are all positive and such. But, with females I seem to struggle. So here are some real experiences that I have had in my life. These are things that I have learned. Things that I want in a relationship with a female. Let me just type them out I guess.
I had a girlfriend once who had had a lot of boyfriends. She dated boyfriends for long time periods. Over a year up to over just over two years. She believed that she knew more of what it was like to be in a relationship with someone than I did because the longest relationship I have ever been in, is 6 months. But one thing I realized with dating this girl, is she did know a lot of what it was like to be in a relationship. But she failed at one section of the relationship. Mutual respect. It was hard to date this girlfriend because she constantly texted her most recent ex that she had been in a relationship with. Claiming to be friends only. But we both agreed that he openly wanted her back. We knew he wanted to be dating her again, even though he fucked up and treated her like shit while dating her. But he constantly texted her and she talked to him and I was uncomfortable with it. I am not a jealous person. But I can be if I am given a reason to be. And with him, I actually got to the point where I told her she was not allowed to talk to him. A big thing I believe to be a relationship destroyer. Its not a healthy relationship when someone is telling you what you can or cannot do. So with me telling her she wasn't allowed to talk to him, really sent me to a place I never wanted to be as a boyfriend. But the reason I got to that point was because she didn't have the respect for me to realize I was uncomfortable with it. Especially with the way they talked to each other. Every text was not an innocent, "Whats up" but more of a "Baby I miss your beautiful brown eyes" "I wish you could be in my arms" etc. Even more of a reason for me to be uncomfortable with it. One big reason I did not receive the mutual respect, was when we first began dating I would lay with her in her bed until she fell asleep. One night she fell asleep earlier than normal. So once she was out...I left. Drove down the street but saw him in his car parked. Drove down a little bit and once I drove past he drove towards her house. Was not secret about it at all. So by the time I had turned around to see what was up, he was backing out of her drive way. After his car drove off, I checked her bedroom to see what was up, but she was not there. I could not tell you, how deceitful i felt that that was. I was shocked more than anything. But that just gave me another reason not to be comfortable with the situtation. I also did not like this individual. I believed him to not truly care for her. He used to be an addict to heroine and became clean when they started dating. But one of my childhood friends was friends with him. He was in my graduating class as well. I knew him. But that childhood friend was actually in the car with him when he did the heroine. While they were dating. I was told this while I was currently with her. I did not tell her to make me look better or anything along those lines. I told her because I knew she did not want people with negative energy in her life. But I don't think she cared. She cared when I told her and sobbed, but it never stopped her from talking to him. But one thing I never told her, mainly because I didnt want to and Im not sure about this. I don't know if I want to know if it is true or not. But that childhood friend who was good friends with him, told me something before I started a relationship with her. And at that point, I knew that he had no respect for her. But while my childhood friend was hanging out with him and all the guys in their group of friends, he would talk about things he liked to do with her sexually. Graphically explaining how he liked to be fucking her, and then pull out to cum in her mouth. Now the thing that bothered me about this and still angers me to this day, is that while he was talking to his friends about this he was in a relationship with her. Obviously your friends are going to know that you and your girl have sex, but you disrespect your girl when you start laughing and joking about what you do. Honestly, by YOU saying that about your girl, you are flat out explaining that your girlfriend is a whore. That's what YOU are implying to your friends while saying that shit. I just don't understand why you would want someone in your life who obviously does not respect you by telling your most intiment details to his friends as a joke, would lie to you about his drug addiction, and make sure to keep texting you innappropriate things after you asked him to stop talking to you out of respect for your most current relationship.
Another thing that was hard with the mutual respect that obviously was not there. And this goes for every relationship I have ever had with a female. Every single one of them does this. And it bothers me. But especially when you have been in a relationship for a while, when they do this it is retarded to me. Name calling. I have been in so many fights with girlfriends and they call me a dick, asshole, etc. The thing that bothers me about this is, I will argue with you. I will fight with you. But even with the rage and anger that I may be feeling, I will never degrade you. I will never call you a name like that. And every girlfriend or girl I have dated can look back on our relationship and realize that I never name called. I never called you a bitch or anything. It is immature.
I live my life every single day, being honest. I am honest in everything that I do or say. And one thing that bothers me is people who lie, are deceptive, sugar coat things, etc. I cannot stand it. It just doesn't make sense to me. I once had a girlfriend who would lie about EVERYTHING. She would say things about her own best friend making me hate her. Thinking that she needs to get rid of this best friend. And in turn, I made this best friend feel like shit whenever she was around. I made sure to make her know I did not like the way she treated my girlfriend and was not willing to let it slide. But then my girlfriend would talk bad about me to the best friend. So what it came down to, was she purposely made us hate each other. I do NOT know why. To this day it does not make sense to me. The best friend knew that she was doing it though. I learned after that her two best friends would have talks about how I treated the one best friend and her other friend would just say "We know how she is. Don't worry. It'll get better." And also this girlfriend would just lie about the most retarded things. She came back from the club one time wearing a hat and said she stole it from some drunk kid she had met that night. Yea...her ex boyfriend. It also turns out that she cheated on me with many different people while we were dating. More dishonest behavior. Yes, one of the guys she cheated on me happened to be one of my best friends. A best friend I had a lot of history with and such. I was upset for a long time after finding that out, but it probably was one of the best things that could ever happen to me. The learning experience I had from that situation was just refreshing. On a side note, if you don't learn from every relationship that you are in, you need to grow up. You will never be in a decent good relationship. But just be honest. In my life, I never have to cover my tracks. I never have to worry about someone finding out about something because I am honest. I am straight forward. What you see, really is what you get.
One thing that I realized most recently in my life is how I am in every relationship that I have gotten into. And the reason I am that way is because of my father and sisters. I grew up in a family of 3 older sisters and 2 parents who were very much in love. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. That happened with my transition from being a boy to a teenager. Where you start noticing girls, relationships, love, etc. But what I started to notice was how my father treated my mother. My mother began being limited with her mobility and not being able to do certain things from time to time. It's just how the disease works. Such a strange disease. One day you'll be able to go to the gym and work out but then the next you won't be able to leave your bed. But with that my dad made sure to take care of my mom. He made sure she had everything that she needed, and when she could do something, he made sure to do it just so she wouldn't have to. He did what she asked, and did things she didn't ask. And what that made me realize is...that is love. That is a man who truly loves the woman in his life. And I have to be that way to. I make sure to take care of the woman in my life. Whoever that may be. Right now, it's just me. But we'll see who the next one is.
Another thing I made sure not to be is a bro, dick, douche who every girl seems to date. Some cocky fagget who thinks they can treat everyone a certain way, especially there girl. With being the youngest in my family and having three older sisters, I saw every type of guy. I saw how each guy is and growing up with that, it allowed me to filter out the traits I want and don't want. Not to mention I saw how every guy who had the bad traits effected my sisters. I knew how certain behavior or what not, made my sisters feel. It gave me the desire to be one of the good guys.
Only problem with that is the good guys never win. The saying "nice guys finish last" is beyond true. There is 3 of us. Myself, David, and Christian. The two best friends a guy could ask for. Honestly. But we all are the same way. We are the good guys. And honestly, they have stories of their own, but it all proves my point. Girls do not want the good guys. They all can say they do. They can watch the Notebook or whatever movie they want that shows the good guy getting the girl in the end. But they don't see the good guy in their own life. So the good guy remains their friend. For years and years sometimes the guy will remain her friend. The good guy is boring. And he always will be. It's kind of funny. But I will get into that at another time. As for today, I think I have said enough......or too much.
I had a girlfriend once who had had a lot of boyfriends. She dated boyfriends for long time periods. Over a year up to over just over two years. She believed that she knew more of what it was like to be in a relationship with someone than I did because the longest relationship I have ever been in, is 6 months. But one thing I realized with dating this girl, is she did know a lot of what it was like to be in a relationship. But she failed at one section of the relationship. Mutual respect. It was hard to date this girlfriend because she constantly texted her most recent ex that she had been in a relationship with. Claiming to be friends only. But we both agreed that he openly wanted her back. We knew he wanted to be dating her again, even though he fucked up and treated her like shit while dating her. But he constantly texted her and she talked to him and I was uncomfortable with it. I am not a jealous person. But I can be if I am given a reason to be. And with him, I actually got to the point where I told her she was not allowed to talk to him. A big thing I believe to be a relationship destroyer. Its not a healthy relationship when someone is telling you what you can or cannot do. So with me telling her she wasn't allowed to talk to him, really sent me to a place I never wanted to be as a boyfriend. But the reason I got to that point was because she didn't have the respect for me to realize I was uncomfortable with it. Especially with the way they talked to each other. Every text was not an innocent, "Whats up" but more of a "Baby I miss your beautiful brown eyes" "I wish you could be in my arms" etc. Even more of a reason for me to be uncomfortable with it. One big reason I did not receive the mutual respect, was when we first began dating I would lay with her in her bed until she fell asleep. One night she fell asleep earlier than normal. So once she was out...I left. Drove down the street but saw him in his car parked. Drove down a little bit and once I drove past he drove towards her house. Was not secret about it at all. So by the time I had turned around to see what was up, he was backing out of her drive way. After his car drove off, I checked her bedroom to see what was up, but she was not there. I could not tell you, how deceitful i felt that that was. I was shocked more than anything. But that just gave me another reason not to be comfortable with the situtation. I also did not like this individual. I believed him to not truly care for her. He used to be an addict to heroine and became clean when they started dating. But one of my childhood friends was friends with him. He was in my graduating class as well. I knew him. But that childhood friend was actually in the car with him when he did the heroine. While they were dating. I was told this while I was currently with her. I did not tell her to make me look better or anything along those lines. I told her because I knew she did not want people with negative energy in her life. But I don't think she cared. She cared when I told her and sobbed, but it never stopped her from talking to him. But one thing I never told her, mainly because I didnt want to and Im not sure about this. I don't know if I want to know if it is true or not. But that childhood friend who was good friends with him, told me something before I started a relationship with her. And at that point, I knew that he had no respect for her. But while my childhood friend was hanging out with him and all the guys in their group of friends, he would talk about things he liked to do with her sexually. Graphically explaining how he liked to be fucking her, and then pull out to cum in her mouth. Now the thing that bothered me about this and still angers me to this day, is that while he was talking to his friends about this he was in a relationship with her. Obviously your friends are going to know that you and your girl have sex, but you disrespect your girl when you start laughing and joking about what you do. Honestly, by YOU saying that about your girl, you are flat out explaining that your girlfriend is a whore. That's what YOU are implying to your friends while saying that shit. I just don't understand why you would want someone in your life who obviously does not respect you by telling your most intiment details to his friends as a joke, would lie to you about his drug addiction, and make sure to keep texting you innappropriate things after you asked him to stop talking to you out of respect for your most current relationship.
Another thing that was hard with the mutual respect that obviously was not there. And this goes for every relationship I have ever had with a female. Every single one of them does this. And it bothers me. But especially when you have been in a relationship for a while, when they do this it is retarded to me. Name calling. I have been in so many fights with girlfriends and they call me a dick, asshole, etc. The thing that bothers me about this is, I will argue with you. I will fight with you. But even with the rage and anger that I may be feeling, I will never degrade you. I will never call you a name like that. And every girlfriend or girl I have dated can look back on our relationship and realize that I never name called. I never called you a bitch or anything. It is immature.
I live my life every single day, being honest. I am honest in everything that I do or say. And one thing that bothers me is people who lie, are deceptive, sugar coat things, etc. I cannot stand it. It just doesn't make sense to me. I once had a girlfriend who would lie about EVERYTHING. She would say things about her own best friend making me hate her. Thinking that she needs to get rid of this best friend. And in turn, I made this best friend feel like shit whenever she was around. I made sure to make her know I did not like the way she treated my girlfriend and was not willing to let it slide. But then my girlfriend would talk bad about me to the best friend. So what it came down to, was she purposely made us hate each other. I do NOT know why. To this day it does not make sense to me. The best friend knew that she was doing it though. I learned after that her two best friends would have talks about how I treated the one best friend and her other friend would just say "We know how she is. Don't worry. It'll get better." And also this girlfriend would just lie about the most retarded things. She came back from the club one time wearing a hat and said she stole it from some drunk kid she had met that night. Yea...her ex boyfriend. It also turns out that she cheated on me with many different people while we were dating. More dishonest behavior. Yes, one of the guys she cheated on me happened to be one of my best friends. A best friend I had a lot of history with and such. I was upset for a long time after finding that out, but it probably was one of the best things that could ever happen to me. The learning experience I had from that situation was just refreshing. On a side note, if you don't learn from every relationship that you are in, you need to grow up. You will never be in a decent good relationship. But just be honest. In my life, I never have to cover my tracks. I never have to worry about someone finding out about something because I am honest. I am straight forward. What you see, really is what you get.
One thing that I realized most recently in my life is how I am in every relationship that I have gotten into. And the reason I am that way is because of my father and sisters. I grew up in a family of 3 older sisters and 2 parents who were very much in love. My mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. That happened with my transition from being a boy to a teenager. Where you start noticing girls, relationships, love, etc. But what I started to notice was how my father treated my mother. My mother began being limited with her mobility and not being able to do certain things from time to time. It's just how the disease works. Such a strange disease. One day you'll be able to go to the gym and work out but then the next you won't be able to leave your bed. But with that my dad made sure to take care of my mom. He made sure she had everything that she needed, and when she could do something, he made sure to do it just so she wouldn't have to. He did what she asked, and did things she didn't ask. And what that made me realize is...that is love. That is a man who truly loves the woman in his life. And I have to be that way to. I make sure to take care of the woman in my life. Whoever that may be. Right now, it's just me. But we'll see who the next one is.
Another thing I made sure not to be is a bro, dick, douche who every girl seems to date. Some cocky fagget who thinks they can treat everyone a certain way, especially there girl. With being the youngest in my family and having three older sisters, I saw every type of guy. I saw how each guy is and growing up with that, it allowed me to filter out the traits I want and don't want. Not to mention I saw how every guy who had the bad traits effected my sisters. I knew how certain behavior or what not, made my sisters feel. It gave me the desire to be one of the good guys.
Only problem with that is the good guys never win. The saying "nice guys finish last" is beyond true. There is 3 of us. Myself, David, and Christian. The two best friends a guy could ask for. Honestly. But we all are the same way. We are the good guys. And honestly, they have stories of their own, but it all proves my point. Girls do not want the good guys. They all can say they do. They can watch the Notebook or whatever movie they want that shows the good guy getting the girl in the end. But they don't see the good guy in their own life. So the good guy remains their friend. For years and years sometimes the guy will remain her friend. The good guy is boring. And he always will be. It's kind of funny. But I will get into that at another time. As for today, I think I have said enough......or too much.
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