I can sense your hell...

Sometimes it is hard to get a blog started. I feel like I have a lot that I want to write about but have a hard time trying to find what to actually start typing. There's an abundance of topics that I can hit, but the first line is always a pain in the ass. I haven't blogged in a very long time. Like a VERY long time. So I guess I am just rusty. My world has significantly changed from the posts before. It's interesting to read back on them and see what I was doing in my life at those times. Those thoughts and emotions that I was having. It's funny growing older, and seeing how that those moments were real. You take something in from those moments or experiences and they're important to you. And even if someone else was experiencing that thing with you, it may have meant more or not as much as it did to you. The life that you are living is seen only by you. Your reality can be different than anothers. We are all so unique. It's crazy to think about. So I have started my podcast, and will be starting a new podcast shortly. I am really excited about the new podcast. The format is pretty simple and I have seen it be successful for others. I hope my take on it turns out to be as well. The show is called The Overlooked and is where I interview your random, every day citizen. So many podcasts feature celebrities, actors, comedians, people in the entertainment industry, etc. and they have amazing stories. They are super interesting. You take this person that every knows of but maybe doesn't REALLY know. These podcasts give you an insight into their lives and makes them more human. But it's always interesting when you meet a stranger, who is just like you and I, and they tell you stories from their life and their experiences. And you never know what that story could mean to someone else. Something they could say about the every day shit that we all go through and maybe feel like it only happens to you. This person could have had the same experience and then shared their take on it. But it would also be enjoyable to hear about the stories from this persons life. Now I fear that people won't want to listen to someone that they have never heard of and won't ever hear of again. They aren't in the public spot light like a celebrity might be. But one thing that I have found, is that it really doesn't matter if you know the person or not. I am an avid listener of the WTFpod with Marc Maron. He comes out with a new podcast every other day. And interviews the big stars, but also a lot of people that are behind the scenes. People I have never heard of or even seen their work. And Maron can make people interesting. I was talking to my father about how a lot of what makes an interesting interview is how good the interviewer is. How they are able to take something that someone says, and find the keyword to expand on. It'a very natural sounding coming from Maron. You see it a lot with Bill Allred who hosts the Let's Go Eat Show podcast. It's interesting to see these two men, who are extremely good interviewers. They take these people that I have had no interest in learning about, and finding my favorite episodes to be about people I would not know if they had not interviewed them. It's quite inspiring too. But anywho, I will post more once I actually start posting podcasts for that. You can always check out my current podcast The Andy Wolff & Ghost show. Its on iTunes, Soundcloud, and Libsyn. You can find more about that at andyandghost.com or on Twitter @andyandghost.

Bye fuckers.

the child inside

If you are to know anything as an adult, it's that puberty is awful to all of us. That awkward, self conscious child is still inside everyone.

 - dw

As simple as it gets...

You know when sometimes you have those moments where you think you have life figured out. You know everything that you need to be happy, and make a plan for the future to make sure you retain the perfect life you have now figured out. I don't have those moments anymore. I don't have those feelings of accomplishment, of figuring life out, of feeling confident about a situation. I am living more now than ever before in a hazy, unsure future. It's scary. I don't feel confident in anything. I don't feel confident in myself. I also get scared of my heart. I fear it's power. I constantly try to hide and avoid it.

I definitely don't have myself figured out. I have a lot of really basic things of my daily routine and emotions figured out. I know my thought processes. I know a lot of things that may seem overly sure of things, but as a whole, I don't have myself figured out. Even though knowing those things about myself come off as loud and prominent, they are only a small portion of me. They just are the most visible.

I have been having a lot of stuff in my head lately. A lot of thoughts.  A lot of desires. A lot of ideas. A lot of opinions. A lot of emotions.

It's getting crowded.

I will tell you more later. I am back for good.

(...not simple, as you can tell.)

It's what keeps me going....

It's beautiful what we have. And I couldn't agree more. I don't see the day where things between you and I go wrong. There just isn't anything that could be found in a regular relationship with us. We are kind of unique in that sense. The last few nights with you have been amazing. From going to dinner, to taking naps in your bed, going to get coffee everyday, and to just hanging out and about. Your presence is something magical. At times you will wrap your arms around me and it just feels safe.

Dec. 27, 2009