As a friend, I am concerned....

I think you are lost. I think you have want to be someone you are not. You say that the person that you have been all your life, was not the person you wanted to be. That being that person you werent not happy. I think it is a copout. You were happy. You had moments in your life that were huge where you felt invincible and on top of the world. But the past year you are not the friend that I once knew. You have had your ups and downs. But now I do not know who you are. I love you to death. And I will continue to be your friend. Even when you look down on me. When you laugh at every fault I have made and in turn take pride in yourself for being nothing like me. It hurts to know that you see me as a burden, and have for a long time. But it hurts me more to see you like this. Wanting something that you know is so negative for you. We have had talks about certain people that we know, and how pathetic they are for being depressed or being stupid by their actions in life. And so many times I hear you say things that I wish you would take in for yourself. You are depressed, and lash out at people who have your back. I have had so many of our mutual friends tell me that after spending time with you, and talking to you, they don't like you. That you are so completely different than the person that they met it hurts them. Many times being flat out rude, and disrespectful to them. And I try to say that you don't mean it. And also tell you that some of your comments are outlandish and absurd. It's really quite disappointing. You are a way awesome kid, but you turn your back on yourself. You are the one who has the power to change yourself, and only you. You say that about everyone else who are in similar situations but you don't do it yourself. You are going places in life. Whether you truly believe it or not. There is more in store for you. And even though people your age may have things that you wish to have, you don't want to rush into it and get it as soon as possible. We know how awful that can turn out. It's been 2 months now, and you need to get out of this hole that you live in. You need to stop being bitter and looking down on the world. You know what you want out of life, and all you need to do is get up and go get it. You are not stuck. You are NOT old. Oppurtunity cannot come knocking if you don't let it. In such a short time of ridding yourself of Ashley, you took giant leaps. You played music, joined a band, started getting back out there. And the second she came back you fell backwards and stopped all the progress you made. So many people have hope for you, and want you to succeed. People you have even burned in feeling down for yourself. I love you and so do many other people. Who are always there for you. No matter what. SO many friends and family who at the drop of a pin would go out on a limb for you. I am one of those people and you know who the others are. It sucks seeing you like this. But I don't know how to tell you. So like in the past, I result to this.