divorce

Some of you might scoff at the title. I can understand why you would do that and think the opinions on it I know you have. I'm not married so it's not a divorce, it's a break-up. But it is more similar to a divorce than it is a break-up. Once we made the decision to separate it became obvious it is a divorce. We've been together for five years. We have combined debt, combined bank accounts, combined monthly bills, etc.....but most importantly, we have combined custody.
     Now I know what you are thinking, "Oh...now it is starting to make more sense" and you are right. It's only starting to make sense. Unless you have gone through a divorce or something similar to me you don't know that everything I have explained is just the tip of the iceberg. Even though each one of those items are huge fucking things, and then to have those be combined for five years, it's a big deal.
     Let me get into the biggest deal of all. It's been even more of an emotional rollercoaster for me personally because I am responsible for my son. He is going to be affected by this more than Kristine or I. She may disagree with this statement and that is totally fine, but we have failed as parents for this. We are going to make Noah's life just a little more unstable than it could have been. I put the blame on both of us. We are not complete failures though. You can be a failure at something, but not a failure all together. Noah still has two parents who love him to death. We will do our individual best to be the best parents we can be. We have already started. We came to this agreement to be civil with each other. To be open and honest with each other. To make it the very best situation as possible for the respect towards our family to Noah. To Noah, his family is myself and Kristine. That will never change. Ever. We both realize that and are going to respect that.
     Do not get me wrong. I have no ill will towards Kristine. I love her to death and I will always love her. She is my best friend. Seriously. I will go to her before my parents, a friend, or anyone. Even though she may not understand the way I am to the extent that I wished she did, she still knows me better than any other person in this world. The amount of hours we have spent with each other over the past five years has been amazing. I would not trade my past relationship, and the future here on out, with her for anything else in the world. I always tell her that she gave me the greatest gift in the world which was Noah, but our relationship with her is right up there with him. Our relationship has strengthened me and grown my respect for her more than I ever thought was imaginable.
    There will be people who know both of us and think "I told you so" about us getting together in the first place. You know who you are, and that's fine. Think that. You can feel that way all you would like. The fact of the matter is that it doesn't change anything at all. All it does is give you a small sense of satisfaction and pride to hold over my head. Which in turn just turns you into a giant fucking prick. People may agree with you, but you are still a dick to even bring it up. We did get together when we probably shouldn't have. We know that, but life changed for her and I at that time and I would make the same decisions if I had the choice to repeat it. We tried to prove everyone wrong, but we both failed at different times to maintain the strength that we had for so long.
     Life is unpredictable, and we all know you cannot predict the future. Nothing will ever turn out the way you expect it to. The result may sometimes be how you expected, but the path to that result will never go exactly how you predict it to. I do not know what is in the future for me, for Kristine, for Noah. There is no way for me to know. There is no way for anyone to know. I will spend every day of my life making sure that I do my best though. I have always tried to do that, but at times life has gotten loud and blocked out my head and heart.
    Lastly, the reason I feel like I should write this is just to explain my feelings and explain that I do not want to hear any negativity. Like I mentioned before, I have no ill will towards Kristine. I love her and will have her back more than anyone, every time. We still have a relationship that we will work on every day. We are still a fucking family. If anyone tries to fuck that up she and I will not stand for it. If you have any desire to fuck up our relationship it will be for no reason but your own personal gain and you are a fucker for even thinking about it. I will call you out. It will always be my family over everything.
     Family over EVERYTHING. I love everyone who has our back. Thank you for everything.

Dan

WELL THAT WAS ALL BULLSHIT! AT LEAST I KEPT UP MY END!  :)