Fuck her Matt! Fuck her for ME!

So I have been staring out the window on this dreary Sunday afternoon and it got me thinking about my most recent car accident. So I thought I would let you all know what kind of car accidents I have been in in my lifetime. It most likely isn't that interesting, but just as watching a car accident is entertaining, hearing about them seems to have people pretty tuned in as well.

My earliest car accident I can remember is my dad hitting a deer back when I was around 7 or 8 years old. We were driving down 14600th in Draper and headed towards the interstate, and a deer slams right into the side of our car, flips over the hood and runs away. It had to have died later cause we hit it, or I guess it hit us pretty hard and there was some blood and hair where it hit.

My next car accident in memory is one from when I was about 16 years old. My buddy Court and I had gone over to our neighbors house to hang with them, even though we were banned from going over there. Their parents just didn't like us. And last I heard, they now don't like just me. They like him. Which in a sense, is quite fucked up. But whatever. To each their own. But our buddy Tyler had to go somewhere, and we decided to tag along. We most definitely weren't supposed to be with him but we did. It was a risk he was willing to take. We were driving his uncle's car and eating donuts that we had gotten from a previous donut run(I'll explain these later), and Court was eating an apple. While driving on main street in Lehi, the small 2 lane road that is constantly packed with traffic, Court finished his apple. There was a pick up truck on our right parked along the street. As we approached it Court says "I bet I can make it into that truck." As he gets ready to throw the apple core, Tyler rear ends the car in front of us sending Courts head into the windshield, my donut onto the floor of the car, and Tyler into a bewilderment of what just happened. Since we weren't even supposed to be with Tyler in the first place, what did we decide to do? Book it the fuck out of there, leaving Tyler to deal with the accident report and all. That was an interesting one.

The next one after that was when I was living in Heber, UT. I had my buddy come up from Lehi to go on a blind date with the best friend of the girl I was interested in. Which sucked for him, cause she was not the best looking girl. Horrible teeth if I remember correctly. But Im not even sure what the date consisted of, but we went on it. The girls lived in Park City and so we had to drive them home. It was around midnight and we were driving pretty fast on the interstate, around 95MPH to hurry & get the girls home, when out of nowhere a deer runs out into the road. Not across the road, but directly at us. We hit that sucker going 95MPH! Super loud crunch & bang, and the car is off. We roll over to the side of the road. The deer has destroyed the car. The front end was just a mess. The deer flew up over the hood of the car and off by the passenger door. We definitely killed it on impact, but the weird part was that the body was no where to be found. We couldn't find it anywhere. It was pretty crazy. But that was the day we killed my buddies Dodge Neon.

Note* So far on all of these accidents, I have been a passenger. This is where that all changes.

The next one I believe was when I was driving in Draper. I was driving my beater little Nissan Sentra and I'm not sure what we were doing before, but the gf at the time and I needed to flip a U-turn. The road didn't have a center turning lane, and the left lane was backed up from everyone who was currently getting off work to go home. So while sitting there in my lane, blinker-a-blinkin, waiting for an open spot, I notice a car approaching in my rear view mirror. As I watch it I begin to wonder if the car is going to go around me or not. Once I realize it isn't, I turn to my gf and say "Hold on" then *BAM!* I get hit by this car while stopped going 50MPH. Shit hurt. Whiplash was pretty bad. I pull off to the side of the road, as do they. Their car is completely annihilated. It was a 1996 BMW that was in pretty good condition, but completely destroyed on the front end. Steaming, dripping fluids, tires exploded, etc. Looking at my car, Wasn't too bad. Just dented in on one side, and my trunk no longer shut. Got the police report and they got towed off, and I drove away. My car was a little trooper. I also got $2k out of that wreck. My gf went to school with the guy and girl in the other car. The guy ended up telling her, "Yea we totally weren't paying attention. She was trying to find a cd to listen to, texting, and I had my hands in her pants."

What was that? You heard me right. Not only is it hard to find a cd and text while driving, but who knows if she hit his mid-orgasm. What a joke. But oh well. Quite the funny story to pass down to you loyal blog readers. *Crickets*

Damn I hope someone is reading this.

The next accident is the most recent one. Nothing too exciting. Just hydroplaned into a car. Their car...no damage. Maybe a crack in the bumper. Nothing else. My car, like the BMW in the last story, annihilated. Well not totally. It still runs. Just looks like it got destroyed. Crunched hood and crunched bumper.

Well there you go. Some pretty uninteresting stories about car accidents I have been involved in. Maybe in a few hours or possibly tomorrow I will have some better gems to share with you. Like maybe some tour stories from back in the day. I have some good ones about sex shops, bars we had shows at, the Lutheran church, etc. Those are always good to reflect on. Mainly for me, not for you. It helps me remember them. HA! Bye nerds.